“To any extreme,” I choke off for fear I shall hit Uncle Nichi with a angry Dib. So he go way for read newspaper & learn some more intelligent Questions to ask it.
Mr. Editor, it are fashionable to appear smarty & suspicious when conversing in print about Ladies. Any colledge child not intelligent enough to learn bookkeeping & stenography can publish at least 1 book called “Sneery Thoughts of a Snappy Cynick” & sell from 10 to 1,000,000 copies. This to include several epigrams about Mrs. Eve and other famous Parisians. (“What are a ‘epigram’?” ask Little Annie Anazuma.
“A epigram are a cheap Joke in a dress-suit,” are reply for Japanese Schoolboy.)
Even Hon. Rud. Kipling, who write many novels and speak fluidly in both English & American, make sinickal talk about female Ladies. He-say “A Woman are merely a Woman, but a good cigar cost 25c.”
In Manila a good cigar only cost 8c, and yet Ladies is found growing there in tropickal bundance. So you see it are useless to try & compute the worthlessness of them in terms of tobacco.
Mr. Editor, I know only 3 Ladies to my acquaintanceship; but there is a 4th one now which I am learning pretty quick. Among this crowd are Hon. Mrs. Lusy Macdonald, 286 pounds of entire beauty, to her I enjoy a tender business relation. She reward me $1.25 weekly for barber her lawn & comb it with rakes. Oftenly I speak to this lady with pathetick expression, because she may rise my salary if I look sifficiently unhappy. Sometime she bring me tea by side-porch to include ginger-snaps & I tell her delicious lies about myself so she will think what a fine Jobber I am.
This Lady are very expensive in clothes which appear hellish & also include dimonds. She obtain her gownds in Paris where they hates Americans and shows it by the stiles they sell them. It are a mean revenge. But Mrs. Macdonald can afford to dress in stile, because she are rich enough to be exentrick. I do not yet notice that she wear Directory skirt at knee. I shall telegraf you if she gets one.
Next in my acquaintanceship of feminines are Little Annie Anazuma, 9-year-age daughter of I. Anazuma, Japanese barber. This childy Japanese are too young to be a lady, but she are already quite foolish.
& 3rd on this List of Ladies are Miss Alice Furioki, wife to my Cousin Nogi. I was once her finance, but when she marry Nogi I broke my engagement to her for spiteful reasons.