I notice there large flocks of Christians bringing earth-peace feeling together by drinking considerable whisky. City is filled of sailors, plumbers, hack-drivers and other patriots making side-step to each saloon where more earth-peace is poured in. Finally good-will become very energetic and front of saloon is carried away by excitement. Peace-on-earth continue to make more noisy riot by each minute until pretty soonly police-gentleman whistle for jailcart and all these Christians, broken in several places but making splendid noise with songs, is carried away to city lock-in.
Of course these is very wild Christians what make such behaviour. It is more comfortable to be tamer Christian and take Hon. Christmas home to wife & baby. Such persons get small timber-tree from mountain and plant it in parlour of home. (Some Christians have not got parlours, so they need not feel responsible for Xmas trees.) Branches of this tree is used to hang things on—glass, tin-ware, clothing, groceries, candles or anything else that is very cheap & convenient. Then alarm-clock is set to get-up family by lamp-light. When joy-bell go off all retire to parlour to watch Family Father set fire to Xmas tree by light of candle.
All Christians enjoy Christmas with exception of fire engine man who is too busy throwing water on the insurance.
It is very hard duty to explain to Japanese Infants about Santy Claus, that famous American saint which so closely resemble Marquis Ito in the foliage of his whiskers. These children enjoy great mental struggles because of their heathen parentage. Little Annie Anazuma, 9-year-age daughter of I. Anazuma, Japanese barber, come to me to enquire like this:
“Uncle Togo,” she resume, “to what extent is this falsehood about that Hon. Santy Claus?”
“Little Annie,” I snuggest, “I speak you honest truth, because you are one childish Japanese. I do not believe this Santy Claus is such person. Why? Because I suspect. Presents here, toys there, books, albums, jumping-up-jacks, photo supplies, sweet confectionary—all these scattered with such immediate delivery all at once and together—I suspect it can not be swallowed. Where would this Santy Claus person obtain so much moneys for give presents to all Christian children, including small negroes? Do Congress appropriate this price? Do Hon. Carnegie donate it? Is Hon. Santy Claus working for U. S. Government or some private corporation? I reply. If he was working for U. S. Government he would not get around so swift. If he was working for some Trust he would not give nothing to nobody. Therefore he is not.
“Japanese child, you are not insane to think. Forget this tell-tale of American mothology. It is too foolish to imagine this Mr. Claus dropping chocolate-creams down each chimney-pipe by such wholesale.”
“No, Uncle Togo,” report this little Annie. “It is well known fact that Christians never give away presents in that sneak-dog manner.”
I shall buy chew-gum for this little Annie Anazuma to eat for Hon. Christmas.
I am considerably sorrow for civilizedation when I make thoughts about this Santy Claus affair. Does not American missionary say to Japanese Boy, “Thou shan’t not lie?” Why then is this lying-instruction given to American children? Hon. Geo. Washington was disgusted to tell a liar. Hon. Roosevelt enjoys faintness after entertaining such persons. He has frequently spoken to Congress about this habit which they enjoy. Why, then, does American gentleman donate presents to baby and lay all blame for the affair to Santy Claus. Is it not cowardly to get out of it in this way?