San Francisco, January 9th.
To Editor New York Newspaper, whichever gentleman or gentlemans does such useful work there.
Hon. Mr. Sir—This U. S. Kingdom, Mr. Editor, is now at present enjoying great panic of banking business. I do not participate in this calamity, because I am making less salary than required for banking surplus. Therefore I am not objecting to present money shake-down except because I have none, and yet frequently I hear of stock-jump falling down grade until it is broken and useless for finance. Yes, also several banking-business go under. “Under what?” is question for me. For reply I hear each get-poor gentleman say “Wall Street,” pointing to Augustus Heinz on map.
This thoroughfare, Wall Street, must be magnificent place for some persons to enjoy. My Cousin Nogi explain how about that avenue. “That is very rich place for gilding,” he response, “each sidewalk there is paved with gold money which broker gentlemen do not care for. Stock exchange and many banking establishments there are constructed solidly of gold-brick.”
“Nogi,” I relate, “you often know something. Thank you to answer 5 questions which I have prepared upon letter-paper for reply.”
“Relate such troubles to some editors,” say Nogi taking derby to go call on Miss Mabel Sanjijo which he is engaged to marry when divorced. Therefore I supply those 5 questions about Financial trouble for you to look at, Mr. Sir:
1. When Stocks makes upstart motion why do it act so rather than stand stationary?
2. When Stocks makes downstart movement, what for is the reason and what would stop it?
3. Some gentlemen is called “broker”—what does he break to get such names?
4. When money is lost in Wall St. can this be recovered by advertising in newspaper?