Whenever I think of some private gentleman being public President of U. S. I spill tear-drop from sadness. Mere human person like Hon. Taft is large enough to entirely fill throne with himself but he can not fill it with that marvellous activity of Roosevelt.
Hon. Jenny Bryan, so I read by news-prints, has went out for duck-shoot and also hoping to slew some bears. This show how sadly he long for President. But nothing to do! Mr. Jenny is too quiet Democrat for election. He must murder something or make elopement with somebody’s grandmother to get photo in newspaper any more. Then American persons will remember he is alive and nominate him for another defeat.
In what administration was Hon. Bryan President of these Uniteds State? I ask these ignorant question because Hon. Bryan happened before I arrived here.
Time is passed, Mr. Editor, for American gentleman to be President by merely being so. Prince Albert cutaway and sky-scrape eye-brow with patriotic noise from stump are decomposed from modern politics, thank you. Successful candidate for America must not only stand on stump for speech—he must use stump for downside-up gymnasticks employing heels for passionate gestures. If candidate can not do nothing else he must be owner of Trust or some other respectable business.
Whenever I have look-at some American gentleman behaviour strange and queer in publick, then I enjoy suspicion, “That person is expecting for nomination to President!”
Because this. When gentleman require to be notice by Delegates of Convention he must perform something queer in publicity. Sometime he take too much cocktail, sometime too much buttermilk—drink depending on religious training. Then all newspapers go to his doorway and ask for photo, childhood and name of party by which he prefers to be runned. Pretty soonly this candidate is celebrated name in all mouths. After this he may be elected, which is too difficult to think about, thank you!
By last week I seen Yoni Sadekachi, wealthy and influential Japanese greenhouse, enjoying phenomenal cataclyptic spasm of fits on street corner. Large crowd was present including three American reporters. Next morning following headline in all American newspaper:
JAPANESE SPASM OF FITS!!!
HON. YONI SADEKACHI ENJOYS ONE AND
GAINS LARGE MERIT OF JAPANESE
VOTERS PRESENT.
WILL HE BE NOMINATION FOR PRESIDENT?
WE ASK TO KNOW