“I gave a dinner to a party of these fellows a few weeks ago. I know not how many kings and princes were amongst them, nor how many poets, and prophets, and legislators, and sages. When they were half-drunk, they coaxed and threatened; when they had gone somewhat deeper, they joked, and croaked, and hiccoughed, and wept over sweet Ireland; and when they could neither stand nor sit any longer, they fell upon their knees and their noddles, and swore that limbs, life, liberty, Ireland, and God himself, were all at the queen’s service. It was only their holy religion, the religion of their forefathers— Here sobs interrupted some, howls others, execrations more, and the liquor they had ingulfed, the rest. I looked down on them with stupor and astonishment, seeing faces, forms, dresses, much like ours, and recollecting their ignorance, levity, and ferocity. My pages drew them gently by the heels down the steps; my grooms set them upright (inasmuch as might be) on their horses; and the people in the streets, shouting and pelting, sent forward the beasts to their straw.
“Various plans have been laid before us for civilising or coercing them. Among the pacific, it was proposed to make an offer to five-hundred of the richer Jews in the Hanse-towns and in Poland, who should be raised to the dignity of the Irish peerage, and endowed with four thousand acres of good forfeited land, on condition of each paying two thousand pounds, and of keeping up ten horsemen and twenty foot, Germans or Poles, in readiness for service.
“The Catholics bear no where such ill-will toward Jews as toward Protestants. Brooks make even worse neighbours than oceans do.
“I myself saw no objection to the measure; but our gracious queen declared she had an insuperable one—they stank! We all acknowledged the strength of the argument, and took out our handkerchiefs. Lord Burleigh almost fainted; and Raleigh wondered how the Emperor Titus could bring up his men against Jerusalem.
“‘Ah!’ said he, looking reverentially at her Majesty, ‘the star of Berenice shone above him! and what evil influence could that star not quell? what malignancy could it not annihilate?’
“Hereupon he touched the earth with his brow, until the queen said,—
“‘Sir Walter! lift me up those laurels.’
“At which manifestation of princely goodwill he was advancing to kiss her Majesty’s hand, but she waved it, and said, sharply,—
“‘Stand there, dog!’
“Now what tale have you for us?”