§ 91
But after the sexual synthesis of puberty the desires are not only much more insistent but much more definite and specific. Still they can be and are repeatedly repressed by many men and most women. That they can be so repressed is the reason why asceticism has been so emphasized by many religions. The religious views of many people render uncomfortable the actual emergence, into consciousness, of any sexual desires whatever.
If the training of the individual has not been such as to render conscious the manifestation of the sex desire, it then does not appear as a tumescence in the genital region, in many cases, but as a swelling or a pain, or a hardness somewhere else, or as an emotion of disappointment, disgust or hate. Some deeply religious people seem to prefer these emotions, in spite of their destructive nature, to the constructive emotions of truly erotic love.
And we are impressed with the irony of fate which condemns innocent people to accept an unwholesome in place of a wholesome emotion, and makes some people think they are justified in telling others what emotions they shall have.
§ 92
The right of woman to experience the erotic acme would be immediately conceded by every man, if he could in any way get into his mind a visual image of mangled feelings. The tortures of Tantalus, Ixion and Sisyphus of Greek legend should be kept in mind, and the erotically unsatisfied woman regarded as a living, present human being, thirsty and standing in the middle of a pool of crystal water, which constantly recedes from her parched lips as they bend to drink; or tied to a wheel which, as it is rotated, makes her sick and dizzy; or with huge effort rolling a heavy stone up a hill that has no ending.
The right of a woman to satisfaction even if not conceded by a hypothetical monster of selfishness, her husband, might be admitted if he should be made aware of the detriment to his own psyche received from her condition. It is surely not an exaggeration to say that to be in daily relations with any human being who is so twisted and bent by unrelaxed tensions that she can hardly be called sane, is a fate that no man would choose unless he perversely wished to drive himself mad. He might see his own advantage, if not her right, an advantage which he quite clearly recognizes in all egoistic-social spheres. He will insist on having his material environment as perfect as possible through his own personal effort or supervision. He will insist on having the plumbing, wiring and every other installation of house, garage, shop, store and factory in the finest possible condition; realizing that any imperfection will reflect directly upon himself. But he commonly does not see that the reactions of his wife in the most intimate relations of marital life should be made, not by mere supervision as of a physician but by his own personal acts, absolutely perfect in every respect, and that his chief responsibility in life is to do this very thing, without which all his other forms of efficiency are of negligible importance.
§ 93
One’s wife is the closest part of one’s objective ego. She is at least that. Many men are of course careless of their own bodies and personal appearance. They recognize, however, that the responsibility for these is their own and no one else’s. But their wives are above all things their complementary bodies, and practically as much their own responsibility as their own personal corporeal systems. A man may conceivably think his wife has no right to happiness but as part of himself he must see that she is really happy. She is as important for his welfare at least as his arms or legs, which he would not choose to have cramped or palsied. Yet a man with an unsatisfied wife is as personally and intimately defective in himself as if he had a withered hand, and he is much more responsible for the wife’s condition than he is for that of his other members.