We turn our attention now to a consideration of the disgust with which homosexuals are inspired by the other sex. I have already repeatedly stated that the disgust represents a repressed desire, that it stands for the repulsion of unbearable tendencies. Heterosexuals show a similar aversion for their own sex,—a feeling which the homosexuals have repressed. That much the very beginner in psychoanalysis knows; the observation belongs to the a b c of practical psychology. Nevertheless, we still find disgust and scorn of woman pointed out as proofs of homosexuality. Disgust is not a proof of the absence of the proper libido. The true homosexuals would show a complete indifference towards the opposite sex. Occasionally they do assume such indifference for their attitude is always affective and negativistic. Hirschfeld contradicts himself repeatedly on this point.
In one place he emphasizes that the genuine homosexual is indifferent towards woman and shows no disgust:
“On this point also I find myself in agreement with Numa Praetorius,[[6]] who in one of his essays remarks that most persons ‘show an inclination towards one sex but only indifference towards the other sex.’ He is of the opinion that the disgust of heterosexuals’ feeling-attitude of disgust towards homosexual deeds, too, is an intellectual process induced by the prevailing social attitude and judgment rather than instinctive and innate. If the dislike were genuine heterosexuals would hardly get along so easily and so often with homosexuals nor would the latter carry on so readily masturbatory acts with the opposite sex, even though the acts be limited to mechanical excitations.” (Hirschfeld, loc. cit., p. 218.)
But another passage of the work reveals the opposite view:
“A 26-year-old workingman relates: ‘At 17 years of age an older friend of mine induced me once to have sexual intercourse with a woman—I was unaware at the time of my urning disposition—and I felt such disgust that I vomited. Since that time I have a “holy horror” of any contact with woman, until a few weeks ago when driven to despair I tried to control myself. It was useless, I could attain neither erection nor ejaculation and instead, the continuous irritation brought on an inflammation of the member.’”
“A Bavarian merchant relates: ‘As a result of repeated intercourse with women I have acquired a serious nervous derangement, a strong sense of lassitude associated with vomiting and migraine lasting for days. The odor exhaled by woman causes me greatest distress. I am now unable to gratify a woman, but on the other hand contact with a soldier makes me happy, it strengthens and revives me.’” (Hirschfeld, loc. cit., p. 96.)
In the passage next following he expresses himself even more plainly:
“It is very striking to note that women in executive positions, directresses, etc., are much more severe with the male employees, servants, etc., than with the female personnel. There are homosexual males who avoid any service by women and chiefly for that reason dislike restaurants employing female waitresses. Also, there are homosexual women who avoid business relations with men for similar reasons. Without knowing why, homosexually predisposed girls begin early to feel that being conducted home by gentlemen is something superfluous as well as unpleasant. Many urnings and urlinds actually experience a physical distress when some member of the opposite sex so much as helps them on with their coat. I know several homosexual physicians of extreme sensitiveness whose aversion to the female characters is so strong that physical examinations of women, particularly of their sexual parts or breasts, is highly repulsive to them and the aversion may go so far as to make it impossible for them to undertake such an examination.” (Hirschfeld, loc. cit., p. 98.)
Such accounts prove that the attitude of the homosexual towards the opposite sex is not one of indifference. Where that is claimed it may be doubted; at any rate it does not correspond with psychoanalytic experience. Hatred, anger, disgust, physical discomfort serve as protections against the other sex. That is true of male as well as of the female homosexuals.
For a short space I shall now limit my observations to male homosexuals. I shall attempt to make clear how I have arrived at my present conception. The homosexual’s scorn of woman, his emotional revulsion-attitude against the other sex, is precisely what led me to formulate my new conceptions. I had the opportunity to analyze a homosexual. During the very first consultation hours there was revealed that heterosexual stage through which every homosexual must pass. Previously it was my custom to refuse to analyze homosexuals because I had assumed Hirschfeld’s view that uranism is an innate condition. This particular patient suffered of various anxiety attacks and came to be treated for his anxiety not for his homosexuality. His anxiety state showed itself particularly as a fear of woman so that he could not trust himself to be alone with one. Among his acquaintances there was also a very sympathetic spinster. They went on walks together for hours but his fear still dominated him and he could never trust himself with her alone in a room. They held their conversations either in a public garden or at a restaurant. Naturally I looked into this anxiety condition and began to investigate this homosexual who had maintained relations with an elderly gentleman for years, with reference to his heterosexuality. I was surprised when he brought forth countless heterosexual reminiscences from his childhood. During the first few days I heard the usual history of urnings: the liking for girls’ games, womanly behavior, he had always been more like a girl in everything, etc. But soon the picture changed and the heterosexual tendency became gradually more evident. His dependence on the attachment to the mother was striking. One-sided as my attitude was at the time, I made certain deductions, somewhat hastily, regarding the roots of homosexuality, and in the first edition of my Angstzustände (1908), after several similar experiences, I wrote: