I am with my wife in an old room but dressed as a woman, so as not to be recognized. My wife steps out of the room, it was very dark. The captain comes into the room and wants to touch me under the dress. But some one calls him out of the room. I jump at my wife, enraged: that is the kind of a h—— you are. Now I know everything about you ... and I stick a knife in her throat.
In another dream he lies hidden under the bed and feels the swaying motion of coitus above. It was very characteristic that after quarrels and scenes of violence he craved intercourse with his wife and his libido was much stronger ... clearly on account of the sadistic excitation.
I saw this patient again five years after the psychoanalysis. He was divorced from his wife and was apparently very quiet. He claimed to be entirely well, said he was jealous no longer, and every now and then had intercourse with women. I do not dare decide whether this result may be ascribed to the analysis and the therapeutic-educational course of treatment.
The various confusion states, called periodic insanity, must be looked upon as an equivalent of permanent insanity. It is certainly striking to see how many alcoholics, morphinists, opium eaters, cocaine fiends and, in more recent years, victims addicted to adalin, veronal, medinal, luminal, etc., fear insanity. If such a case is analyzed one always finds the homosexual component and the repressed sadistic tendency. The psychic mechanisms of these disorders are the same as those described in the paranoid form of the jealousy delusion. We have in all these cases an endopsychic perception that inner forces compel greater stress on the delusions than on reality.
The next case is a pure example of this condition under a form which often ends in suicide.
79. Mr. O. L., a very talented violinist, suffers unbearable anxieties, among them the fear of insanity being the strongest. He also has hours of terrific, unexplainable depressions for which he is unable to give any cause. He only has the feeling that he is about to commit some terrible deed so as to rid himself of the anxiety and have peace once more. He thinks he might commit some crime and be jailed so as to be sure that there is nothing further for him to fear. During the first weeks he speaks only of his anxiety over his father. He has the idea fixed in his mind that his father will come to Vienna and have him interned in an insane asylum. Rather than put up with that he will shoot his father first and then kill himself. He reverts every little while to the suspicion that I am in league with his father. (That is the form which the identification of the physician with the father assumes with this class of patients. The physician is the symbol of the father.) He has been taking various narcotics for a number of years. Not, exactly, to sleep. For he sleeps well without the aid of veronal or pantopon. But he suffers so much of anxiety. And he feels that the narcotics make a better man of him. He uses unbelievable doses of these drugs. He has once taken with suicidal intent 10 g. veronal in one dose with the only result that he slept 24 hours “like a top” and woke up without any ill effects. He sleeps every day till 11 or noon, sometimes into the afternoon hours, and still wakes up somewhat drowsy.
He now abstains strictly from alcohol. He has done a number of foolish things under the influence of drink. Once he tackled an officer at a night resort, wanted to embrace him, kiss him, made various suggestive proposals and finally had to be thrown out. He has also had serious rows which put him in the hands of the police. He gave his word of honor to his father that he would not touch liquor any more because he was threatened with internment at a sanitarium for alcoholics. He broke his word only once but has turned to various narcotics. During a six-months sojourn at a sanitarium he got completely well and abandoned the drugs. One month after leaving the sanitarium he began again to use the drugs.
He is an impressive, handsome, very powerful man, very “lucky” with women. But he is true to none for any length of time excepting the last sweetheart. He did love her and does to this day. He would marry her if he could support her.
He is tremendously jealous and his jealousy is that typical form which is concerned with the past, an example of which we have seen in case 75. He has to be told over and over by his sweethearts how they have been seduced. He must hear with particular circumstantiality all the details of the defloration. That causes him tremendous sexual excitation. Only then is he able to achieve orgasm with women. Otherwise he may keep up the sexual congress for a half hour without accomplishing ejaculation.[[21]]
Finally ejaculation and orgasm are brought about through manual friction of the penis by the woman. This form of sexual gratification leads back to a particular incident in his youth when the choice was made. First, he confesses that at 17 he maintained relations with a boy who gratified him in that manner. Earlier reminiscences from childhood appear. The incidents always relate to boys. Now he does not want to recognize any homosexual tendencies. At 17 years he made a forceful attempt to tear himself away from his friend and began passionately to run after women and girls.