Interpretation: he wants to be rid of his infantilism; he preserves it in a tin box. Compromise between the two trends. The next dream relates about a minister of the gospel who stands before a big hole in the ground and who interprets that hole to mean that asceticism is not a possible ideal. It is necessary to masturbate, at least occasionally. There were roots in that hole, which looked like hair. Next he is with his mother in a carriage. The mother turns into the holy Madonna or the holy Zara(?)
The earth, too, stands for the mother: mother earth. The hole refers to both, birth and death. One comes from the mother and returns to the mother. The mother appears again as the holy one, and as the Czarina, hence the mystifying Zara. The father is the Czar, just as in the Tristan dream he is represented by the king. Further meaning is obvious.
Hairs recall his peculiar attitude. Women’s hairs are abhorrent to him. His mother has long blond hair. The father was very hairy. Formerly all hairy men were abhorrent to him. Downy, young, feminine men are his ideal. He is continually seeking woman in man....
He reverts once more to the dream about the hole in the ground. He now recalls that dream very clearly.
I am again a pupil at school and I am being conducted to confession along with the other school mates. We stand in a wide, round amphitheater scooped out of the ground. The natural wall rises to a height of about 2 meters, all around. Above it there stands a wonderful temple-like edifice. A monk points to the wet spots upon the earthen walls and compares them to the erotic thoughts, which are also not to be rooted out of the believer’s conscience. I notice a bunch of roots on the wall and involuntarily I think of pudendal hair. The monk condemns asceticism.
A dream full of religious meaning. Already in some of the previous dreams the woman “upstairs,” or “above,” was perceived through religious over-determination as mother Mary to whom alone his love belongs and which he therefore must not squander on any earthly woman. He sees his grave which like a memento mori admonishes him to regard this life as a preparation for the next.
Woman seems to be here the quintessence of sinfulness. Now we understand why the woman upstairs had a little child by her. It was little Jesus. He has soiled his pure faith. The brain which holds his belief (the earthen wall!) is likewise stained with his sinful erotic thoughts.
The great wall surrounding the place to a height of a couple of meters symbolizes all the inhibitions. He himself is the monk, he had a passing desire to become an ecclesiastic, he is a heterosexual ascete....
Last night many dreams of going through urinals. In one urinal he found a man who instead of a phallus had a vagina.
Dissolute dreams. Among others a dream that he podicem lambit a friend. He also entertains consciously fancies of like character.... Further dreams of mutual masturbation with a strange man. Finally the scraps of dreams culminate in a lengthier one in which he finds himself in the company of the girl he was very fond of as a boy. The struggle against the heterosexual tendencies goes on throughout the night and finally he is conquered.