To whom I bow in deep humility ...”
The verses are full of yearning and passion. His blood calls for her, his heart is filled only with yearning for her. These are the utterances of a man who has lost his head by falling in love.
This case illustrates plainly the manner in which monosexuality leads to homosexuality. But the subject himself did not want to recognize any of these relations. All the powers of sublimation at his disposal he had turned into his love for the mother. Therefore he had to cling to a portion of his mysophilia (dirt compulsion). What he overdid on one side in the way of cleanliness was compensated for on the other by a sinking into filth. It is noteworthy that he does not care to be cleared of his homosexuality. He looks upon it as a protection and as something that sets him apart from other men. This again shows the hopelessness of any therapeutic endeavors in most cases of this type.
Since taking account of his dreams he is astonished how often heterosexual excitations come to the surface. Last night he dreamed, first, that he was with a naked woman, of wonderful build and that he in vaginam et in anum immisit his finger.
Further, another remarkable dream, which played an important rôle in the solution of his neurosis:
I am with mother at the Opera. A long hallway at the end of which one obtains a view of Vienna. One sees the wonderful St. Stephen’s Church, a fine cloud like a smoke or like a fine powdery water spray over its tower. The Opera is changed. Instead of Don Juan, the Donna carissima.
Already the first dream indicated a definite trend towards woman and now the change of program discloses the source of his neurosis. I ask him for a description of the woman in the first dream. He did not see her face at all. He merely saw the wonderful bewitching white body.
Such dreams—figures without faces—are very frequent and serve to hide the beloved person and to prevent recognition. I know dreamers who have pollutions with such half figures. The face is never visible. Often only a portion of the body. Through the second dream we may assume that the figure represents the mother. Otherwise it is hardily possible to explain why the face should have been subjected to the dream’s censorship.
The second dream belongs to the category of maternal body fancies. He is within the mother’s womb. The long passage he associates with: life’s pathway. It is in fact the pathway through which he came into life. Stephen’s tower is a phallic symbol. The smoking room, ejaculatio or mictio. It is a representation of the illusion that he is within the maternal body and is able to observe from that point of vantage the process of generation. The dream becomes even more transparent when we learn that his father’s name is Stephen.[[40]]
Now his sexual infantilism becomes intelligible. He is under the spell of Mutterleibsphantasie, maternal body phantasy. Every lavatory becomes for him the symbol of the maternal body. There he watches the man urinating as he might have watched the father in the maternal body if he had had enough intelligence to do so as an embryo. It seems unbelievable that intelligent persons should become victims of so puerile a phantasy. Various facts always uphold the sense of such a phantasy. In this particular instance there was dislike for, and unpleasant sensations in, closed rooms, also a series of paraphiliac trend which found their explanation only through that phantasy. He revelled in the thought of permitting himself to be besprinkled with the spermatic fluid by his beloved male friend; he had a craving membrum erectum amati viri fellare; his urolagnic and coprolagnic proclivities, too, were dominated by the same phantasy. He behaved as if he were still in the maternal body.