We got here safe—my worthy wife and me—
And took a tent here in the woods contigious to the sea;
We've harvested such means of grace as growed within our reach—
We've been to several meetings here, and heard the Bishop preach;
And everything went easy like until we took a whim—
My wife and I—one breezy day, to take an ocean swim.
We shouldn't have ventured on't, I think, if Sister Sunnyhopes
Hadn't urged us over and again, and said she knew "the ropes,"
And told how soothing it would be "in ocean rills to lave,"
And "sport within the bounding surf," and "ride the crested wave;"
And so we went along with her—my timid wife and me—
Two inland noodles, for our first acquaintance with the sea.
They put me in a work-day rig, as usually is done—
A wampus and short overalls all sewed up into one.
I had to pull and tug and shrink to make the thing go 'round
(You are aware my peaceful weight will crowd three hundred pound).
They took my wig and laid it up—to keep it dry, they said—
And strapped a straw-stack of a hat on my devoted head.
They put my wife into a frock too short by full a third:
'Twas somewhat in the Bloomer style—I told her 'twas absurd!
You know she's rather long and slim—somewhat my opposite—
And clothes that was not made for her is likely not to fit;
But as we was we vent'red in—my timid wife and me—
And formed our first acquaintance with the inconsistent sea.
Miss Sunnyhopes she waded out a-looking nice and sweet
(She'd had her dress made to the store, and trimmed from head to feet);
And I went next, and grabbed their rope just as she told me to,
And Wife came third, a-looking scared, scarce knowing what to do.
Then Sister Sunnyhopes a smile of virgin sweetness gave,
And said, "Now watch your chance, and jump—here comes a lovely wave!"
I must have jumped, I rather think, the wrong time of the moon;
At any rate the "lovely wave" occurred to me too soon!
It took me sudden, with a rude and unexpected shock;
I'd rather meet the stoutest pair of horns in all my flock!
And then to top the circus out, and make the scene more fine,
I tried to kick this "lovely wave," and let right go the line.
"TWO INLAND NOODLES, FOR OUR FIRST ACQUAINTANCE WITH THE SEA."
On county fairs and 'lection days, in walking through a crowd,
I'm rather firm to jostle 'gainst—perhaps it makes me proud;
But if it does, that wave just preached how sureness never pays,
And seemed to say, "How small is man, no odds how much he weighs!"
It kicked and cuffed me all about, in spite of right or law,
With all the qualities they give an average mother-in-law!