Forty Years in the Wilderness of Pills and Powders / Cogitations and Confessions of an Aged Physician

by William A. Alcott

Now I had never seen Emilia, but from the account which I had received from the neighbors, as well as from the nature of the case, I knew very nearly how she was; and that the great difficulty in the way of recovery was the constant habit of watching herself and attending to every internal sensation. In other words, she was so completely wrapped up in self, that I could see no reasonable prospect of getting her mind out of the maze in which it had been so long involved.

But I found time, a few days afterward, as I was employed again in the same neighborhood, to call and see her; and I ventured accordingly. She was sitting up in the bed, well bolstered, with a huge mass of clothing both on herself and on the bed. Then, at her right hand, was a stand half covered with bowls, saucers and tumblers; and near it a little closet or recess, in which were nearly an equal number of parcels of medicine, wrapped in papers ready to be used, when they were supposed to be necessary.

I had no sooner entered the room, than she began to give me an account of her medicine, rather than of herself. So rapid was her enunciation, and so eager was she to tell me what she knew—not about the symptoms of her disease, but about the treatment—that it was a full quarter of an hour before I could reach the inmost recesses of her condition. "That," said she, "is for canker in the mouth; that for sore throat; that is an eye wash I sometimes use, and that is a kind of bitters Dr. R. left for me, but which I have now nearly done taking—and they never did me any good," etc.

When I found an opportunity, I endeavored to investigate, very fully and freely, what had hitherto been supposed to be a very remarkable case. I found, indeed, that the patient had a great many little troubles, dependent mainly on the state of a mind greatly harassed by constant reflex tendencies, not easily eradicable. But I did not find it easy to prescribe for her. She was one of those very inquisitive people who wish to know what every thing you give them is, and who have a very conscientious objection to every thing. However, I at last settled down on a course of treatment, and wrote it out in a fair hand, and left it at the bedside. Not, however, I repeat, till I had foolishly fallen into my former error, and told her all the whys and wherefores.

This familarity into which she had drawn me, had already extracted one-half the virtue of my medicine; for that is no longer mysterious which the medical man openly and freely discusses. The freedom of thinking she had indulged in while I was present, had been extended to freedom of action; and the very medicine, whose virtues she had dared to discourse upon, she ventured to set aside, when her experience assured her it was not producing the effect she desired, and for which she supposed it was intended. So that what, from the first, I had feared, and more than I had feared, at length happened. She took my medicine, professedly,—that is, just when she pleased,—for about four weeks, to no manner of purpose whatever, except to deceive herself; for during the first and second weeks of its use, she imagined herself all the while getting better; while during the third week she began to doubt, and about the fourth week she came to the sage conclusion that she was just where she had been a month or two before.

The great, abiding difficulties of her case—her want of simple, confiding trust in her physician, and her constant, anxious attention to her own internal sensations, were far enough from being overcome. She was, in short, very nearly where she was ten years before, except that she was in circumstances rather more difficult to be reached, and had become rather more sceptical about medicine.

What should now be done? Must the case be abandoned? Or was there some other way, some new way, by means, of which it could be reached? I was not quite willing to give her up as irrecoverable, and yet I saw nothing remaining which I could do. I revolved the thing in my mind, by night and by day. At last a plan struck me which I verily believed would succeed.

A few miles distant was a young physician, just from the schools, who vainly, though naturally, supposed he knew almost every thing which was known, and who wanted business. As he had nothing to lose, even if he were to fail in a hundred trials, but every thing to gain could he effect one very remarkable cure, I proposed to the family to employ him. I knew well he would have one or two advantages over his older and more experienced brethren. He would not at once place himself on the same platform with his patient and the friends, by answering their numerous questions; and for this plain and simple reason: In the first place, that he could not, and very probably knew his own weakness; secondly, he would have more of that blind faith in medicine which inspires the ignorant with confidence.

But there was another thought beyond all this, a wheel within a wheel. The young physician might succeed better than I, in drawing her thoughts, and even her affections, away from herself; for he was a single man, and the patient, though sick, not destitute of charms, especially of that more tangible charm which, to indigent young men, and especially young medical men, so often eclipses all others. She, on her part, as I well knew, was not wholly resigned to the world of single blessedness, though her long-continued ill health had almost unfitted her for any thing else.

It only required a little management to bring about the desired result. Dr. Juvenis was soon employed; and, though he did not always reply to her questions, which were numerous, and often wholly irrelevant, yet according to my own secret anticipations, he gradually raised her hopes in another direction, and hence drew her attention in no small degree from herself. His reserve, too, served but to inspire her with confidence in his great wisdom. There was something deep beyond the exterior, she always thought, which did not come out to the full, vulgar gaze.