Farm Boys and Girls

by William A. McKeever

4. The child is all the while learning. As yet, there is little for the caretaker to do other than to feed the infant with exceeding care and regularity, and to enjoy the awakening of the new infant activities. In four to six months, the young learner will lead a much more complex life,—sitting alone, holding things in his hands, and looking about the room. But it must be understood that he still hears and sees very few things in a definite way. Then, in the next two or three months he will first creep,—he should in time be induced to do so if possible for the sake of his health,—at length he will stand upright, and finally walk. None of these processes must be hastened, although they may be aided when the inner prompting and strength warrant such conduct.

5. During the second year there will probably break out with sudden and surprising strength the new instinct of anger. It has been latent there all the time, but the low degree of intelligence and of nerve structure has not given it proper support and indulgence. But on an occasion there is perhaps taken from the child some cherished plaything, when he suddenly flies into a rage, yelling, screaming, kicking, and growing red in the face. This outburst of rage is a most interesting and enjoyable aspect to the parent who rightly understands children, although some ignorantly make it a matter of deep concern, regarding it as significant of a vicious character in the coming boy and man.

The purpose of this present discussion is to illustrate how the human instincts come into their functions at various times during the life of the growing child. And the further purpose is to urge that such thing be watched for and met with just the sort of training necessary for permanent and helpful results.

Now, let the little child fly into a rage two or three times and have his anger appeased through indulgence in the thing he cries for, and he has acquired his first lesson in the management of the parent or nurse. He has learned that if he wants a thing, all he needs to do is to squall or yell and the desired results will be forthcoming. But this childish rage really furnishes the occasion for the beginning of some disciplinary lessons. “Should I give the child everything he cries for, or withhold the desired object until he quits?” asks an anxious parent. Neither rule is necessarily the right one, and yet both, on occasions, may be correct. Suppose, instead of the infant you have a five-year-old boy who cries for a loaded revolver he happens to see in your hand. Would you give it to him to stop his crying, or withhold it? Suppose again he should cry for the return of his own plaything which some one unjustly snatched from him. Would you return his plaything to stop his crying, or let him cry it out? Now, here is implied the correct answer in dealing with the outburst of anger in the infant. It is all a matter of justice and fairness. If some agency, human or otherwise, snatches his food from his mouth, and the child squalls for its return, indulge the infant at once. If he has been well fed, comfortably clad and bathed, and under every proper consideration should lie still and behave himself, then do not run and take him up because he happens to be trying your patience with his squalling. Hold him to it and let him bawl it out. There is really nothing better coming to him if you are thinking of the development of his character—and your own.

6. So, somewhat later on you will find this same instinct of anger showing itself in the various forms of fighting and quarreling. The parent who understands the true natures of healthy children will not worry for a moment because the children show natural dispositions for contention and combativeness. On the other hand, it will be understood that these very tendencies furnish the occasion of many a lesson in social ethics. How can the child ever learn to be just and fair to his mates or square and considerate in his dealings with adults unless it be through the give-and-take experiences that come from attempting to get more than his share,—and failing much of the time,—and from attempting to over-ride the rights and privileges of others, and having such attempts properly thwarted? Indeed, it may be regarded as a great misfortune to the child if he has to grow up as the only one in a home and is denied the daily companionship of those of his own age from whom he may learn justice and fairness as a result of his attempts to get more than is just and fair for himself.

7. The watchful parents will observe that perhaps some time during the second half year, and with some pronounced repetitions later, there will be clear manifestations of the instinct of fear on the part of the child. Again, there is nothing for deep concern other than to meet this instinct in a general way as has been observed for the others named and to give the proper training. Fear must have been a human necessity during many years of savagery and barbarism. It still has its positive and negative values in the development of character. It serves as a deterrent from dangerous and criminal acts. It is also found to deter the growing infant from doing many a thing which he ought to be learning to do. Fear shows its most interesting aspects in the form of what has been called social sensitiveness; that is, bashfulness, shyness, reticence, and the like.

Parents should by all means watch closely the various childish and youthful tendencies to fear, allowing those fears which promise to be helpful to remain in the life or to die out slowly through counteracting conduct; and eliminating those other forms which would seem to serve no useful purpose. Examples of the latter sort would be the fear of ferocious animals and of murderers. Such mortal enemies are so uncommon in this civilized land that fear of them will probably be of no service to life. On the other hand, it may stunt and deter the development of courage. Especially do such fears tend to induce the habit of unnecessary concern and deep worry, thus destroying the peace and happiness and cutting off the length of years of many members of our society.

8. There is no questioning the value of social sensitiveness in respect to the development of character in the young. Some degree of bashfulness and embarrassment in dealing with people, especially those regarded by him as of superior worth, may be considered an actual asset in the life of the growing boy. This bashfulness will give him a rich inner experience of doubts and fears, and of hopes and triumphs. Slowly, under proper guidance and direction, the sensitiveness wears away through repeated experience of a contrary sort, and such qualities as create a self-reliance take its place.

On the other hand, it is doubtless a misfortune, especially for the boy, to become blasé—indifferent and unembarrassed in the presence of people of all ranks and conditions—while he is yet a mere lad. Under our present organization of society, the boy who would win the life race must have much experience of trial and error, of failure and success, and of tribulation and triumph; and all that for the sake of a self-reliant character. Now, the boy who has lost all sense of embarrassment in the presence of others is likely to be denied the stirring inner experiences just named, and to settle down in an indifferent, self-satisfied attitude toward the big problems of human conduct. It may be counted, therefore, as an indication of much promise and advantage that the country youth and the country maiden continue to be comparatively “green” and bashful during the period of their adolescence.

9. The instinct of sexual love will manifest itself at the proper time and age. Before so doing, certain organic changes and inner nerve developments must take place. Parents may learn some lessons from observation of this instinct that will apply to practically all the others. For example, there should be no attempt to hurry the manifestation and the functioning of the instinct, nor should the training necessary for its development and refinement be denied or withheld. Of all the many inner awakenings that come to the developing human being, there is probably none that quite matches the surging energy of sexual love in healthy young manhood and womanhood. And to an extraordinary degree, opportunities for instruction and development of the character become present at this time.