"Mr Rawlinson: You want to look like a grenadier, I suppose?
"Applicant: My granny-dear (God bless her dear old soul!), she never had such a fashionable and warlike appendage in her life.
"Mr Rawlinson: What business has a carpenter with a quantity of long hair hanging from his lip?
"Applicant: The reason vy I rears it is 'cos it's fashionable, and makes me look like a man of some courage.
"Mr Rawlinson: Fashionable, indeed! I wish, with all my heart, that the fashion was discontinued. Why need an Englishman make a Jew of himself? It is disgusting to see persons strutting through the streets with mustachios, and sometimes a fringe of hair round the face and chin, which is dignified by the name of whiskers. As you won't take my advice, I can't assist you.
"Applicant: Vot! not for striking me on the hupper lip?
"Mr Rawlinson: Then your moustachios must have saved you.
"Applicant: No, they didn't.
"Mr Rawlinson: How's that?
"Applicant: 'Cos the hair ain't long and thick enough; they're only young 'uns as yet. There was no occasion to strike me.