Vidi jam juvenem premeret cum serior ætas,
Mœrentem stultos præteriisse dies.
CHAPTER XVII.
The good humoured manner in which our Friend relates a jest, successfully practised upon himself, shows that he enjoyed it almost as much as they who contrived it. He received a card from a young man, of higher rank and connections than himself, from whom he had just reason to expect such an act of civility, in return for some good office which he had, before he arrived at the university, an opportunity of rendering him. He accordingly accepted of the invitation to supper, which the card conveyed, and went at the appointed time. On his arrival, he was introduced to a large party, all of whom were perfect strangers to him, and appeared to look so strangely and coldly upon him, that he began to suspect what was really the case, that the invitation was a forgery, and that it was intended to laugh at him. He made an effort to retire, but was prevented, and after a short interval, joined heartily in the laugh against himself.
It appears from a loose memorandum, that our friend, notwithstanding his systematic regularity, and rigid attention and conformity to College discipline, had once a very narrow escape from incurring the severest censure of his superiors, from which accident alone preserved him. A thoughtless young man, of very eccentric character, had most improperly introduced a female of degraded fame and manners into his apartments, and with equal indiscretion had supplied her with liquor till she became ungovernably intoxicated, nor was he himself a great deal better. About midnight, he so far recovered his recollection as to wish to get rid of his unruly guest. This, however, was no very easy task. She refused to depart; and when with some violence he had got her into the quadrangle, she began with most vehement screams to utter the cry of murder. In this dilemma, the young man went and called up our friend, who with more good nature than considerateness, rose to assist him. The woman continued screaming, and when the tutor and some of the fellows appeared to see what was the matter, no other young man was visible but the subject of this narrative, pulling the young woman with difficulty along to the porter’s lodge. Here the advantage was experienced, of a previous good character; nothing else could have preserved him from disgrace and punishment. He had the address to secure his friend from detection, and to save himself. His narrative was, that being disturbed by the cry of murder, he left his rooms to see the cause, and finding a drunken woman in the quadrangle alone, he thought that in propriety it became him to conduct her to the porter. This, however improbable it might sound, was credited, and no disagreeable consequences ensued.
The character and history of the young man, involved in the above foolish act of profligate inconsiderateness, is so very singular, that many remarks and anecdotes concerning him, subsequently occur. From these collectively, the following concise narrative was deduced.
His father died when he was yet a child. He was left to the guardianship of his mother, a very weak and foolish woman, at whose decease he was to succeed to considerable personal property, and a clear unencumbered estate of about a thousand pounds a year. Nothing could possibly be better conditioned than this estate was; it was a freehold, and compactly circumscribed by a ring fence. The youth’s education was totally neglected, and he was suffered to do whatever he pleased. When about sixteen, he expressed a great desire to go to college; but as he was totally uninstructed, except in the commonest village school learning, some consultation was necessary about the most practicable means of extending his education, and improving his knowledge. It occurred that there was a distant relation of the same name, established in a curacy at the provincial town, who might be glad to undertake his introduction to the rudiments of Greek and Latin.
This was accordingly done, and after remaining under his cousin’s care for about two years, my gentleman was removed to college, and by way of counsellor and guardian, his relation accompanied him. However, he soon threw off all restraint, and dashed boldly and uncontrouled into all the irregularities and extravagance of the place. Whether he waited or not to take any degree, does not appear; but certain it is, that in a very short period of time, his profuseness reduced his mother to the extremest difficulty and distress, and materially lessened their common income. In this dilemma, it was thought expedient that he should go abroad, and accordingly he departed for the continent, and fortunately for his future and declining days, with some young men of fortune, two of whom have since made a distinguished figure in the political world. A short time was sufficient to waste what remained of his property, and in a very brief interval after his return to his native country, not an acre, nor a single shilling remained, of all his valuable patrimony. That the poor old mother died in the utmost penury, it can hardly be necessary to state; the son, if he yet lives, subsists on an annuity allowed him by his former gay companions, who in this instance assuredly did not verify what is usually asserted about the desertion of friends in adversity. It remains to exhibit a slight delineation of his character.
He was remarkably good-natured, even to excess. He would thoughtlessly give away the guinea which was his last. With equal thoughtlessness he would borrow whatever he could obtain from others, without the remotest idea of returning it again. He once carried his mother to an inn in a provincial town, where he ordered a sumptuous dinner, and the most expensive wines. When the bill was produced, though they went in their own carriage, it appeared that neither mother nor son had a sixpence in their pocket. They were relieved from the awkwardness of their situation by the writer of this narrative, who as he never expected, so did he never see a shilling of his money again. When young, and the talent was probably continued to him, the original of this portrait had an extraordinary faculty of exciting mirth, by the most unaccountable and unexpected sallies of humour and ridicule. To this he was probably indebted for the protection which he subsequently received, when he most wanted it. He had almost always an avowed disregard of what are invariably respected as the decencies of life, and would, without scruple, if asked by an old acquaintance where he was to be found, give his card at a common brothel, or at the lodgings of some celebrated courtezan. At the same time he could assume the mildest manners, and conciliate the kindness of the most timid and the most modest of the sex. His ruin was certainly to be imputed to a neglected education, and the unpardonable indulgence which was shown him in his earliest years. He doubtless had those qualities of heart, and those endowments of intellect, which, if they had been directed, chastened, and disciplined, by a skilful and experienced guide, would have rendered him as useful and as amiable, as he certainly turned out unworthy of any virtuous esteem.