I would now give the character of my instructor, but as I wish my secret not to be disclosed, I am aware that I must use no common circumspection. I do not now indeed dread the lightning of his eye, the thunder of his voice, or the weight of his arm; but I do not wish the bonds of complacency and civility, so long established between us, to be broken. If any one therefore shall think he can individually apply what follows, be it at his peril, not mine.
My master then, be it known, was a most extraordinary personage; not less distinguished in literature than in politics. Indeed they who know him best, and do not love him least, have constantly been of opinion, that if he had consecrated more of his time to the first pursuit, and much less to the latter, he would have enjoyed a far larger portion both of public esteem and of public honours. As a master, he was severe, wayward, and irregular. What he imposed in the form of exercise, was not always consistent with the time and capacities to be employed. He would, in solemnity of tone and manner, declare from his awful tribunal, that henceforth he should be in the school at six, and punish those who were absent with the utmost severity. He would observe this for two or three mornings, when it passed away like a dream, and was heard of no more.
Prejudice against individual boys, and strong partiality in favour of others, is perhaps in some degree unavoidable, but he did not always take the trouble to conceal or disguise it. I was not in his favour; but at this distance of time, and at a period when no foolish self-love predominates, I verily believe that he had no justifiable motive for his dislike. An anecdote here occurs, not much worth relating, perhaps, except to demonstrate, that confusion and perplexity of countenance and demeanour, on being accused of an offence, do not always demonstrate guilt.
A very reprehensible act of indelicacy had been perpetrated in the apartment of one of the upper boys, such as it might be reasonably supposed no gentleman would commit. It could only have been done by one in the higher part of the school, or by a servant; the lower school was denied the opportunity of access. The upper boys were assembled by the master in his library, a place which none of us ever approached without dismay. After a long preparatory discourse, each was called upon to declare his innocence upon his honour. Why he suspected me, I never could imagine, but he from time to time cast such terror-striking looks on me, that they were irresistible. I declared myself innocent upon my honour, but I was so perplexed and agitated, that I must have appeared guilty to every one but the real culprit himself.
It requires at this moment no ordinary effort of charity and forbearance, entirely to forgive so great an act of cruelty and injustice. The injury done to me was incalculable. It inflicted a deep wound upon my mind; it debased and depreciated me in the eyes of my peers; it checked every ingenuous ardour, and drove me almost to despondency. Every thing unseemly which occurred afterwards, was imputed to my agency, and my situation became intolerable. I could specify many instances of similar undeserved personalities, but I had justice rendered me afterwards. My Orbilius, at a subsequent period, whether he discovered his error, or found that I was not cast in the mould which he had imagined, made honourable atonement. I accepted it, and peace was made.
And now for the other side of the picture, for the person of whom I am speaking had very contradictory qualities. His taste was exquisite, acute, accurate, elegant, and this he seemed to communicate and inspire. It was really delightful to hear him read, and I do not think that this accomplishment, which is never sufficiently cultivated, can possibly be carried to a greater degree of perfection, than it was by him. He possessed also extraordinary powers of eloquence; his easy flow of words could only be equalled by his nervous, appropriate, and happy disposition of them. He was proud of this talent, and somewhat ostentatious in the display of it. When he gave the upper boys a subject for a theme, he would descant upon the subject in all its ramifications, for the best part of an hour. Very amusing indeed, and instructive also, but somewhat superfluous as to the immediate object, of enabling boys to compose an essay of twenty lines. This gift, delightful as it was, was accompanied by one evil; when not among boys, it disposed him to disputation, and in disputation no small portion of his life was passed. I cannot say that he was ill-humoured, but when touched, no minister could be more sore. With great powers and great learning, much opportunity and earnest invitation, he has done but little to secure a posthumous reputation. A few disputative tracts, originating in personal and local altercation, some scattered volumes, manifesting his political creed, attachments, and speculations, and a few sermons on particular subjects and occasions, form the entire works of an individual, who might have enlightened, instructed, and adorned society. I know not whether he yet lives. If he shall be removed to a better world—Requiescat in pace.
Medioque ut limine curras
Icare, ait, moneo.