the City of Towers, such a thing as a pipeful—ahem!—a pipeful of tobacco?"
"Never fear," said the Third Vice-President. "I fancy you will be able to buy there all the tobacco you can use."
"Wery sorry I am to 'ear it," said Mr. Punch. "Hi regard the tobacco 'abit as a wery reprehensible 'abit. Wery."
"Oh, you do!" said Toby, glaring at him.
"Wery reprehensible indeed," went on Mr. Punch, calmly. "My conscience 'as troubled me for a long time by reason of my position in the tobacco trade. Being posted, as one may s'y, in a wery hadwantageous position for hobserwation, I 'ave seen too much, entirely too much, of the sad effects of the hobnoxious weed. Many a time 'ave I wept to myself, when the hobserver may 'ave thought it was only rain on me cheek, to see 'em, young and hold, going in and hout of Toby Littleback's shop, knowing what would come of it sooner or later, and me a-standing there hencouraging of 'em in, as one may s'y, with me packet of cigars in me 'and. Hoften enough 'ave I wished to give it hup and embark in a hoccupation less reprehensible; many a time 'ave I said to myself, 'Ho, hif I could only be hinnocent once, just once.' And now Hi shall put be'ind me hall the d'ys of me sinful past, and with my share of the treasure Hi shall open a shop for the purveying of tripe."
"There's a deal more harm been done by tripe than ever there was by tobacco," said Toby.
"There is a total absence of nicotine in tripe," said Mr. Punch, loftily. "At least, such is my hinformation. And I carn't 'elp 'oping that my friend Littleback will reform hisself, now that 'e can afford it, and engage in some pursuit less 'armful to the young. Hif I was arsked, I would suggest pinking and pleating."
"You ain't been asked," said Toby. "I can see
myself pinking and pleating. When I want advice what to do with my money, I'll ask you. Tobacco is my line, and tobacco is going to be my line to the end of the chapter, and that's flat. Pinking and pleating! Humph."
"It's my belief," said the Churchwarden, "after listening to what's been said, pro and con, backwards and forwards, up and down, that if we don't start for the City of Towers, we'll never get there."