“My Dear M'Slime:
“In order that the thing may be done as much in the shape and form of a matter of business as possible, don't you think it would be well for you, as Harman's lease has expired, to send me a regular written proposal for it—which proposal I may be able to show in justification of myself, should anything unfavorable turn up afterwards. Harman's offer was just double yours, but that is burnt; of course you will also burn this when you have read it. Your offer of assistance to M'Loughlin was well thought of; and even if we never, I mean you, should be paid, you are still a gainer by two hundred pounds. Each has offered a thousand a piece to have the leases renewed at the present rent; you give five hundred, very good suppose you lose three—that is, suppose M'Loughlin is driven, as, please God, he shall be, to allow you to accept a bill for three hundred—don't you see that you are still two hundred in pocket; no, I am wrong, not two but seven hundred. You can therefore well afford to lose three by the transaction, although, as I have said, it is not, in point of fact, losing three, but gaining seven, or at least five. Phil has also sent me a written proposal, which I will keep, but M'Loughlin's is gone the way of Harman's, as a matter of prudence. As for the private consideration between us, that is only to be glanced at. I give you my honor that Phil has tendered me two hundred, which I will not take, of course, either from you or him until the premises are cleared of the present tenants, This must be done very soon, and, I think it is much to be wished that Harman, who is a choleric scoundrel, should be put out of the way, if possible, If he is transported it will save us a good deal of annoyance. I should regret a meeting between him and Phil very much. Phil tells me that he once pulled his, Harman's, nose, and it is very natural that he should bear him a grudge for it. There is half a year's rent due this day, and the term mentioned in the notice to quit, expires next week. So far, then, all is right; we have them in our power, and can proceed safely. Parliament will, it is well ascertained, be certainly dissolved about the end of May next, so that we must work double tides to bring in his Lordship. There is a devilish spirit abroad, however, which will occasion us much trouble; but I cannot agree with you about renewing the leases, notwithstanding. It is just doing by those who are obstinate and ill-disposed, precisely as we ought; that is, holding a whip over their heads, and assuring them that we shall let it fall with rigor, unless they are agreeable as they ought. The Hon. Richard Topertoe is in London, but, between you and me, it matters little where he is; you may judge of what an intermeddling fool he must be, when he had the presumption to urge his Lordship to come to his native land, and live on his estate. This d——d Ribbonism and outrage, in spite of all our efforts, are still increasing; I think, however, that I shall be able to make a pounce some of these days. I have my spies at work, and let me tell you, that talk as they may, about its treachery and rascality, the spy system is an admirable one; in fact, it is like a two-edged sword, and cuts both ways, just as you wish. If, for instance, you cannot find Ribbonism made to your hand, you may make it—that is, you can corrupt first, and betray afterwards; which, at critical moments is unquestionably (I say this between ourselves) a decided advantage. By the by, my dear Solomon, the force of religion must be singularly strong and impressive in your life and conduct, when you have been able so wholesomely to influence that rascal bailiff of ours, Darby O'Drive. I have seldom, indeed, never witnessed so striking a change as you have produced in him; to tell you the truth, I felt a little chagrined and jealous about it; but as he owes us a kind of divided allegiance, I must rest contented.
“Believe me to be, my dear M'Slime, “Yours affectionately and faithfully, “Val M'Clutchy, J.P.”
To this, while Darby was tooth and nail at the Bible, Solomon wrote the following reply—
“My Dear M'Clutchy:
“I have just read your letter of this date, and agree with you in the necessity and propriety of my sending you a written proposal which you can show at a future time, in order to justify yourself should it be necessary so to do. I also need not say that your conduct in destroying the proposals of M'Loughlin and Harman was equally creditable to your head and heart. Prudence and discretion, my dear Val, are not virtues of every day occurrence, and as to giving the preference to a Christian friend, I do not see how a man as you are, with a strong sense of religion, could without injuring your conscience avoid it. What is it after all, my dear friend, but a spoiling of the Egyptians, as holy Moses did, when about to lead the children of Israel from bondage. In that case it was what may be termed in these our days a description of justifiable theft, such as many professors of the word do, in matters of business, feel themselves warranted even now in imitating. It requires, however, to be done carefully, and within the freedom of the perfect law; but, by no means, with a worldly or secular spirit, otherwise it will be deprived of that unction which renders the act a gracious exemplification of our Christian privileges, instead of a departure from rectitude, which it would be if committed by an ungodly person. These are distinctions, my dear friend, which I grant you is not permitted to many to make—only, indeed, I may humbly and fearfully say to such as have by long wrestling with the spirit been able to see truth, when the inward eye has been purged from the grossness of passion, for which to Him be praise and power. Amen! I herewith enclose you the proposal formally made, and will be ready to hand over the two hundred Christian manifestations of my gratitude at the proper season. As to Lord Cumber being a loser by the transaction, such a loss must have been, we are bound to hope, shaped out for him as a punishment inflicted for gracious purposes. It is true he is ignorant of it, and I trust he shall remain so; but then we know that many a blessing comes to us in deep disguise, and that many a dispensation which we look upon as a favor from above, is far from being so. If, then, it be true that this thing is vouchsafed to him as a hidden blessing, let us be thankful that we have been selected as the unworthy means through whom he is made to receive it; or if it comes to him as a punishment, still it is our duty to reflect that we are merely the instruments through whose frailties, or virtues, as the case may be, he is visited, and that from the beginning this and many other acts which a blind unenlightened world might censure, were ordained for us, in order that the perfect scheme of Providence might be fulfilled.
“With respect to the spy system, I do agree with you fully. Many things must be done in secret, which the perversity of the world will not bear to hear of without committing sin. For instance, my dear Val, in sowing your crop of loyalty, so to speak, it might not, perhaps, be wrong—I am speaking, now observe, with reference to the cunning of the serpent, which you know we are enjoined to have, and if to have, of course to use when necessary; it might not, perhaps, be wrong I say, to cast a tare or two, if only for the purpose of employing our friends and fellow creatures to pull them, out again. It is as it were, giving the idle employment, and enabling ourselves in the mean time to gather an abundant harvest into our own garners.
“With respect to Darby, I trust, that if my unworthy example and earnest precept have been successful in rescuing him from the bonds of error and sin—but what is still more dangerous, from the damnable thrall of Popery—it is not for me to vainly extol myself therefor. His conversion, however, will, I trust, be edifying to that interesting, but neglected class, the bailiffs of Ireland. With reference to them, I am engaged during the very few leisure hours that I can steal—so to speak—from my professional employment, in writing a second tract especially for their improvement. It will be appropriately called, The Bailiff's Beacon or a Strengthener for tender Consciences, By their friend and brother Christian, Solomon M'Slime, Attorney at Law.
“Verily, my lines have been made to fall in pleasant places. On yesterday, I had the satisfaction to be appointed soul agent to the Religious Cosmopolitan Assurance Association, being a branch of the Grand Junction Spiritual Railway Society for travellers to a better world. The salary is liberal, but the appointment—especially to a man of sincere principles—is full of care and responsibility. Allow me, my dear Val, to recommend you and your friends to purchase shares in the Spiritual Railway Society—it is under Him the safest of all associations yet established. The arrangements are admirably adapted for the projects in view. All the seats are delightfully soft, and as somnolent as church pews, to which they bear a close resemblance. The machine men, and all those appointed to situations on the line, are mostly in orders; but belong to different denominations. The scheme originated in Oxford, and has spread rapidly throughout the length and breadth of the land. Several of the stokers are bishops, and the reverend feeders discharge their respective duties with singular effect. It is hoped besides, that it may, under divine guidance, be the glorious means of bringing Popery within the influence of truth, whilst its enemies—for it has enemies—as who has not—its enemies assert that whether it shall take in Popery, or Popery take in it, is a matter very difficult to be determined.
“They are also exceedingly expert at tract writing, which they perform, if I may say so, without boasting or vanity, very much in my own spirit. Poor Susanna is ailing—I mean a serious young person in our family who tended our little olive branches and understood my habits. She is leaving us, and I shall miss her, for I am one of those persons, my dear friend, who have a heart for—and I trust I may say, that can sympathize with—my fellow creatures, however humble. Do you remember that I once availed myself of a Christian privilege, to mention between us the subject of family prayer?