M'Clutchy seemed surprised at this, and after hearing their individual opinions, which indeed, conflicted very much, some positively asserting that he did, and others that he did not, murder the man, he began to view the matter in a somewhat different and more cautious light. He mused for some time; however, and after a second and more deliberate investigation, finding that there were two for the murder and only one against it, he at length took their informations, resolving to bring the matter to trial at all hazards. The warrant for Harmon's apprehension was accordingly issued, and entrusted to a dozen of the most resolute fellows in his corps; who so far enabled our magistrate to fulfil his intention, that they lodged his enemy in the county prison that very night.
The next morning, when reading the papers, our Captain was not a little surprised at reading in one of them an advertisement to the following effect:
“To the public—found, in the office of Mr. Solomon M'Slime, a Bank of Ireland Note, of large amount. The person losing it may have it by giving a proper description of same, and paying the expenses of this advertisement. N. B.—It is expected, as the loser of the note must be in affluent circumstances, that he will, from principles of Christian sympathy, contribute, or enable some Christian friend to contribute, a moderate donation to some of our greatest public charities. Thus will that which at the first view appears to be serious calamity, be made, under Him, a blessing and a consolation, not only to the wealthy individual who lost the money, but to some of our destitute fellow creatures. This, however, is not named as a condition, but merely as a suggestion offered from motives of benignity and duty.
“Also, just published, The Religious Attorney; being a reconcilement between Honesty and Law; or a blessed Union between Light and Darkness. By S. M'S. Tenth Thousand.
“Also, in the Press, and will soon be published, done up neatly in foolscap, and rogue's binding for cheapness, by the same author, The Converted Bailiff; being designed as a companion to The Religious Attorney. These productions need not be sought for with any of the profane booksellers of the city; but only at the Religious Depositories, or at those godly establishments in Sackville street and College green.”
This, however, was not all. In a different column appeared the following; which, however, did not surprise M'Clutchy:
“Glorious Triumph of Religious Truth.
“In another part of our paper, our readers will perceive in an advertisement, an additional proof, if such were necessary, of the strong integrity of that ornament of his profession, both as an Attorney and Christian, Mr. Solomon M'Slime. This gentleman, whilst he devotes himself, with a pure and guileless heart, to the extensive practice which his high principles and great skill have gained him in his profession, does not neglect the still higher and more important interests of himself and his fellow creatures. It is a gracious thing to know that a spirit of deep and earnest inquiry is now abroad, by which hundreds are, under God, brought from darkness to light—from the gall of bitterness and the bond of iniquity, out into the freedom of perfect day. Verily there is a new Reformation abroad—the strongholds of Popery are fast falling one after another. In the neighborhood of Mount-starve-'em, the spirit has been poured out most abundantly; and this manifestation is the more gracious, when we reflect that the dreadful famine which now prevails throughout the country, has been made (always under Him) the precious but trying means of bringing the poor benighted creatures to taste the fruits of a better faith. Nothing, indeed, can equal the bounty of that excellent nobleman, Lord———, who supplies beef and blankets—Bibles and bread—to those who may be likened to the multitude that were fed so miraculously in the wilderness—that is to say, who followed the good shepherd for his doctrine, and were filled with bread. Mr. M'Slime, who has within his own humble sphere not been inactive, can boast at least of having plucked one brand out of the burning, in the person of Darby O'Drive, the respectable bailiff of Valentine M'Clutchy, Esq., the benevolent agent of the Castle Cumber estate—to which Mr. M'Slime himself is law agent. It is understood that on next Sabbath (D.V.) Mr. O'Drive will make a public profession of his faith—or, in other words, “that he will recant the errors of Popery, and embrace those of Protestantism.” * The merit of his conversion is due—but merit there is none—to Mr. M'Slime, or rather to his two very popular and searching tracts, called, 'Spiritual Food for Babes of Grace,' and 'The Religious Attorney,' which he had placed for perusal in Mr. O'Drive's hands. Mr. O'Drive now declares himself a Babe of Grace, and free from the bonds of sin; or, as he more simply, but truthfully and characteristically expresses it—a beautiful specimen indeed of his simplicity of views—'he is replevined from the pound of human fraility—no longer likely to be brought to the devil's auction, or knocked down to Satan as a bad bargain.'—For ourselves, we cannot help thinking that this undoubted triumph of religious truth, in the person of Darby O'Drive, is as creditable to the zeal of Mr. M'Slime, as it is to his sincerity. Encouraged by this great success, Mr. M'Slime, seconded by several of our leading controversialists, has succeeded in getting up a polemical discussion, on the merits of the Protestant and Popish creeds. The particulars have not been decided upon, but they shall probably appear in an early number of our paper. In the meantime we are authorized by Mr. Darby O'Drive to issue a formal challenge to any Popish and idolatrous bailiff in Ireland, to discuss with him the relative powers, warrants, processes, triumphs, conflagrations, and executions of their resspective churches.”
* This expression has been attributed to Faulkner, the
printer of Swift's works; but it is much more likely that it
belongs to the Dean himself.
He had scarcely finished this characteristic paragraph, when O'Drive's knock, as usual, was heard, and in a few minutes the redoubted champion and challenger entered. There was a knavish demureness about him, and a kind of comic solemnity in his small, cunning gray eye, that no painter could copy.