I drew myself erect and my foot tapped the deck with vexation and distress.
‘For God’s sake, miss,’ said he, ‘don’t feel offended by anything I may say. You have friends aboard, and I want to be one of them, and prove myself one of them by behaving as a friend, and perhaps as more than a friend. My object in keeping you yarning here is to ask you to think over what’s to become of you if your memory hasn’t returned by the time the ship reaches England.’
I bit my lip and answered with a struggle, ‘What would be the good of my thinking? My memory may return. In any case I must trust in God to help me.’
‘Well, you’ll be safe in trusting in God,’ said he, ‘but someone to trust in on this earth wouldn’t be out of the way either. You see, miss, it may come to this: the ship arrives in dock and you’ve got to go ashore; where will ye go to? You don’t know. There may be scores of friends of yours within hail, but owing to your memory being at fault ne’er a one of them can be of more use to you than if they were in their graves. It seems cruel to talk of the Union; but my notion is, that whenever one’s in a mess the first thing to do is to take a good look round. I believe there are homes for destitute females, but for my part I’d rather go to the workhouse if I was a lonely girl. So you see, miss, it comes to this: you must have a friend....’
I could bear this talk no longer, and walked in the direction of one of the ladders in order to return to the steerage.
‘One minute,’ he cried, accompanying me, and so contriving to walk as to oblige me to halt. ‘I’ve brought tears to your eyes, and I ask your forgiveness. There’s been no rudeness intended in what I’ve said, God knows. You’ll find that out before long, I hope. You’ll be discovering that I wish you well. Though my parents were gentle folks, my college was a ship’s forecastle and I’m without polish, and, what’s more, I don’t want any. I’m a plain seaman, but I hope I can feel for another as well as the best, and I want to be your friend, and perhaps more than your friend.’
‘I am sure you mean nothing but kindness,’ said I, ‘but your words have distressed me. You make my future appear hopeless and dreadful.’
‘That’s how I want you to view it,’ said he, ‘by correctly realising it you’ll be able to deal with it.’
‘Good-night,’ I exclaimed; and without another word I left him and returned to my berth.
* * * * *