It was not asked for answer, Stephen knew,
And answer had he none he could have given,
No answer, save of silence, much-ashamed.
Paul let the searching of himself, begun
And busy in the spirit of the youth,
Go on in silence for a while; and then
In gravest sweet sincerity he spoke:
"Hating is sweet and wholesome, for the heart
That can hate purely, out of utter love.
But who for these things is sufficient—save
God only? God is love, and He can hate.
But for me, Stephen, mine own proper self,
I dare not hate until I better love.
When, as I hope, hereafter I shall be
Perfect in love, then I may safely hate;
Till then, I task myself to love alone."
There was such reverence in Paul's gravity,
Reverence implied toward him as toward a peer,
Not peer in age, but peer in human worth—
Toward him, so young, so heady, and so fond—
That Stephen, in the sting of the rebuke
Itself, shaming him, though so gracious, felt
A tonic touch that made him more a man.
Uplifted, while abashed, he dared to say:
"Perhaps I trespassed in my vehemence;
But, uncle, did not God inspire the psalm?"
"Doubtless, my Stephen," Paul replied; "but not,
Not therefore, thee inspire to use the psalm.
Sound thine own heart now, nephew, and tell me,
Which was it in thy heart that prayed the prayer—
True vehemence in sympathy with God,
Or vehemence against thy brother man?
A sentiment of sympathy with me
Thou canst not say, for I have no such wish
As that thou breathedst, touching any man."
"Though not in sympathy with thee, at least
For thy sake," Stephen said, "mine anger burned."
"For my sake, yea, but not acceptably
Even so," said Paul; "since neither did it serve
My cause, nor please me, if I speak the truth.
I know thy love for me and hold it dear;
All the world's gold were no exchange for it.
So, doubt not, Stephen, that to what degree
Love for thine uncle prompted that thy prayer,
Thine uncle thanks thee for it from his heart.
But let us, thou and I together both,
To our own selves severely faithful be.
Shall we not say that that love faulty is,
Which less desires to please the one beloved,
Than to indulge itself, have its own way?
And knowest thou not it would have pleased me better—
Since, for the present, question is of me—
To see my nephew altogether such
As I myself am, lover of all men,
Hater of none, not even mine enemy?
Thou didst not love me well enough for that!
"Thy love though precious and though well-refined
Had yet alloy in it of selfishness—
Of specious, almost lovely, selfishness,
I grant thee; yea, according to the world,
That loves its own illusions, lovely quite—
Of such a selfishness alloy enough
To take its counsel of itself, not me,
Blindly abandoned to its own excess."
"The art of love thou makest difficult!"
Stephen, with chastened deprecation, said.
"Not 'difficult,' impossible," said Paul,
"Save to whom Jesus makes it possible.
I wish that I could bring thee to perceive
How, severed from Him, thou canst not love at all,
Right love, I mean, the one safe sense of love,
Love with the gift of immortality,
Since pure and perfectly-proportioned love!
Left to ourselves, we love capriciously;
Ever some form of fond self-love it is,
Which in disguise of love to other masks.
If thou in Jesus truly hadst loved me
Then hadst thou loved me as I would be loved,
To absolute effacement of thyself
Through whole replacement of thyself with me.
Enormous claim seems this of selfishness
In me? But I describe ideally
The love that I myself to Jesus bear.
In Him I lose, and find again, my self,
And the new self I find again, is—He!
It is but as united thus with Him—
My wish, my will, become the same as His—
That I dare make exaction for myself
Of love that seems to blot another out,
Or merge him in a new and different self.
I ask thee—not my will, but Christ's, made thine—
To love me with the love that pleases Him."
"All this," said Stephen, "must be true, I feel—
I feel it better than I understand."
"I also," Paul said, "in this mystery
Am wiser with my heart than with my mind,
I feel it better than I understand;
Although I understand it better too
Than I can make it plain in any words."