"But, seriously, Saul, you overwork
The idea of conscience. What is conscience? Mere
Self-will assuming virtuous airs. A term
Cajoles you into making it a point
Of moral obligation to be stiff.
Limber up, Saul, and be adjustable.
Capacity of taking several points
Of view at will is good. For instance, now,
Probably Stephen may, at various times,
Himself have stated quite explicitly
What your rhetorical logic showed to be
Inextricably held as inference
In his harangues. Take it so, Saul, if so
Render your conscience easier; I myself
Highly enjoy my easy conscience. Still,
Nothing could be more natural than that some,
Hearers non-critical, you know, should mix
What you said with what Stephen said, and so
Quite honestly swear falsely—to the gain
Of truth. And to whose loss? Stephen's, perhaps,
But other's, none. So, salve your conscience, Saul—
Which somehow you must learn, and soon, to do;
Unless you mean to play obstructionist,
Instead of coadjutor, in the work
You, with good motive, but with scurvy luck,
Set about doing late so lustily.
Conscience itself is to be sacrificed,
At need, to serve the cause of righteousness.
What is it but egregious egotism
To obtrude, forsooth, a point of conscience, when
You jeopard general interests thereby?
One's conscience is a private matter; let
Your conscience wince a little, if need be,
In order that the public good be served.
That is true generosity. 'Let us
Be just,' said Nicodemus; good, say I,
But in this matter of our consciences,
Let us go further and be generous."
As one who turns a stopcock and arrests
A flow of water that need never cease,
So Shimei left off speaking, not less full
Of matter than at first that might be speech.
With indescribable smirk, and cynic sneer
Conveyed, sirocco breath of blight to faith
In virtue and in good, he went away,
Cheering himself that he had somewhat chilled
Within the breast of that young Pharisee
The ardor of conviction, and of hope
Fed by conviction,—but still more that he
Had probed and hurt the festering wounds of pride.
Saul's first relief to be alone again,
Rid of that nauseous presence, presently
Was followed by depression and relapse
From his instinctive tension to resist
The unnerving spell of Shimei's influence.
Saul found that in the teeth of his contempt
For Shimei, absolute in measure, nay,
By reason of that contempt, he had conceived
Shame and chagrin beyond his strength to bear.
That Shimei, such as Shimei, should have dared
To visit Saul, and drill and drill his ears,
With indefatigable screw of tongue
Sinking a shaft through which to drench and drown
His soul with spew from out a source so vile—
This argued fall indeed for him from what
He lately was, from what he hoped to be,
Far more, in popular repute. The sting
That Shimei purposed subtly to infix,
With that malicious irony and taunt
Recurrent, the intentional affront,
All of it, failed, blunted and turned in point
Against the safe impenetrable mail
Of Saul's contempt for Shimei. But that
Which Shimei meant not, nor dreamed, but was,
Went through and through Saul's double panoply,
Found permeable now, of pride and scorn,
And wilted him with self-disparagement.
He marvelled at himself how he had not,
At first forthputting of that impudence,
Stormed the wretch dumb, with hurricane outburst
Of passionate scorn; a quick revulsion then,
And Saul was chafing that he had so far
Grace of rebuff vouchsafed, and honest heat,
To creature lacking natural sense to feel
Repudiation. Comfort none he found,
No refuge from the persecuting though
Of his own fall. He tried to brace himself
With thinking, "If I failed, I failed at least
Not for myself, but God; I strove for God."
But, ceaselessly, the image of himself,
Humiliated, swam between to blur
His vision of God. He could not cease to see
Saul ever, in the mirror of his mind,
And ever Stephen shadowing Saul's fair fame.
BOOK VI.
SAUL AND RACHEL.
To Saul, wrapt in his gloomy contemplations, Rachel unobtrusively presents herself. Conversation ensues between them, and Saul confides to his sister his own most secret purposes and hopes, dashed now so cruelly. The fact, however, at length comes out that Rachel was herself converted to Christianity as a result of Stephen's reply to Saul. Saul instantly hereon experiences a violent revulsion of feeling. He breaks away from Rachel, spurning her, and breathing out threatening and slaughter against the Christian church.