"Yea, Saul, my son, trust thou thine instinct there,"
Gravely Gamaliel said, with slow reserve
That warned how more than he would say was meant;
"Our brother Shimei is a dark man,
Whose public zeal is edged with private spite;
Him well, son Saul, it thee behooves beware.
Since when thou scornedst him in those high words
Before the council, Shimei hates thee, Saul,
And hate like his is sleepless till revenge.
Ill for a cause that must be served by him!
But some are tools, and others ministers,
Of God, Who works His holy will with all!"
Unwarned by warning, but in conscience pricked,
And following his own tyrannous thought, Saul spoke:
"Those infamous false witnesses of his—
Say, master, did I on my conscience take
The guilt of their suborning, when consent
I gave to Stephen's death thereby procured?
My conscience like a scorpion stings me on,
But whether a good conscience before God
It be, or rather a conscience violated,
Which I must quiet by not heeding it,
And by confusing it with din of deeds
Forever doing—this I cannot well
Resolve me, and—but, nay, for that were false,
I do not wish thou shouldst resolve me it.
Forgive me, and farewell! But pray for Saul!"
Therewith, and pausing not, like one distraught,
Or one goaded, and wildly seeking fast
Enough before the goad to fly, which flies
Only the faster, following, for his speed,
And pricks the harder—so Saul broke away
And left Gamaliel on his roof alone
Astonished.
Swiftly now, yet with a haste
As of one wishing to leave far behind
Some spot abhorred, much more than as of one
Eager a goal before him to attain,
Say rather as of one insanely fierce
Somewhither, anywhither, from himself
Pursuing hard himself, to fly, Saul flew
Back toward his dwelling. At the door arrived,
He well-nigh stumbled—for his hasting feet
Against some shapeless heap struck that alive
Seemed, for it moved, and from the threshold, where
He in a kind of ambush crouching lay,
Slowly into the semblance of a man,
Under Saul's eyes down bent, upgrew—Shimei!
'Sin coucheth at the door!' thought Saul; he thought
Half of himself, as half of Shimei,
For, 'If thou doest not well, thou Saul!' thought he,
Then, "Reptile! How beneath my heel should I
His serpent head have bruised!" hissed hotly out
Between his set teeth, and perused the man.
Half under breath this, then to him aloud:
"What art thou? Imp of hell spawned hither new
Up from the pit? Avaunt! I loathe thee hence!"
"Nay, brother Saul," grinned Shimei, therefore pleased
Thus spurned to be, because the spurning was
With anguish of disgust to him who spurned,
Malevolently yet storing reserve
Of hatred and revenge therefor, to be
Afterward feasted when the time should come,
"Nay, brother Saul, you look with eyesight dazed
From undersleeping, and from rash surprise
At this encounter. I am Shimei,
Your special coadjutor tried and true.
I am a little early, I confess—
Or late, which shall I call it? early and late—
Like moral good and evil, Saul—ofttimes
Change places with your point of view—become
The one the other, as you look at them.
"You see I hardly slept myself this night,
Thinking of you, and pleasuring my mind
With fancies of the odd coincidences
That might be happening you at Bethany.
I got prompt information how it all
Fell out, and hastened hither to advise
With you. Upon your sleep, already much
Cut short, I would not thoughtlessly break in,
And so I dropped me at your threshold here,
To wait a proper hour for seeing you,
And yet not let you pass out hence unseen.
I must have fallen asleep, and, brother Saul
Be sure I was no less surprised than you,
When you just now came on me unaware.
Ha! ha! How naturally you mistook your friend
For something not so pleasant from the pit
Vomited suddenly up under your feet!
Another might have taken it amiss
To be so little courteously greeted,
But I—why, give and take, say I, in joke,
You have bravely evened up the score between us!"
"I do not bandy jokes with such as you,
Suborner of false witnesses!" gnashed Saul.
Saul's look, his tone, had withered any man
Save Shimei, who grew blithe in sultry heats
Of human scorn as in his element.
So Shimei flourished lustier hearing Saul
Despise him with the question further asked:
"What is there common between you and me?"
"Oh! Ah!" sneered Shimei; "I had thought you dazed
In eyesight only, but distempered mind
You show now, taking this high strain with me.
'What common 'twixt us?' Yea, yea, very good!
'Suborner of false witnesses'—hence base,
Shimei, but very, very virtuous, Saul,
Who, with much flourish of disdain, his hands,
His lily hands, washes, for all to see,
Quite white and fair of all complicity
With 'lies,' 'devilish lies,' 'lies damnable,'
You know, and so forth, and in due course then,
His moral indignation unabated,
Takes profit of said lies to make away
With Stephen, through more weighty argument
In stones found than conveniently to hand
Came when he crossed words with that heretic!"
The mordant sneer corrosive of such speech
Ate through the thin mail of Saul's scornful pride,
And bit him in his wincing sense of truth.
Against these thrusts in no wise could he fence,
Having the foothold lost whereon he stood
Firm in the conscience of integrity.
Unbidden would those words of Stephen, "Pricks
To kick against!" returning come to him
In memory, while ever, with each return,
Fiercer waxed Saul's resistance, fiercer wound
Infixing in his secret-suffering mind—
As should the bullock battle with the goads
Behind him, shrinking flesh on sharpened steel.
So now his wild heart Saul pressed sternly up
Against the cruel points of Shimei's jeer,
And suffered them in silence.
Shimei
Felt his own triumph, and at feline ease
Leisurely played with his proud captive. "Saul,"
He added, "you and I are men too wise
To waste strength here in mutual blame. Forgive
Me that I was so far led on to speak
As if retorting word for word unkind.
I should have made allowance for your state,
Devoid of that just self-complacency
So needful to a happy health of mind.
Now you and I at bottom are such twins,
We ought to understand each other well;
It is a shame that this has not been so.
Here we are one in aim, and unity
In aim—what deeper unity than that
Joins ever man and man? Let us strike hands
Together, since our hearts beat unison."
Not less revolted at these words was Saul,
More, rather, that he knew how insincere
They were, how hollow, as how void of truth,
Spoken in pure malicious irony.
The sense of difference his from Shimei,
Browbeaten in him, badgered, stunned, ashamed,
Could not rejoice in thought, in speech far less,
Against that flourished claim of unity.
He stood silent, ignobly helpless, while
Maliciously his pastime further took
With him his captor, who then, sated, said:
"Well, Saul, I shall excuse it to a mind
In you disordered through late loss of sleep,
That you do not invite me in to sit
A little at my ease while I disclose
The thought I had in coming to you now.
Nay, nay"—for Saul, broken in self-command
False shame to feel, and false self-blame, as found
Defaulting dues of hospitality,
Instinctive moved toward making Shimei guest—
"Permit me to decline the courtesy.
You are tired, you are very tired, and you should rest.
Once within, seated, I might stay too long,
Bound by the charms of your society.