Wat.See how malice
Ever conspires to drug the poor man's chalice!
Where did I get the spoons from? Well, so far
As I remember—from my grandmamma!
But you, my friends, my whole career have seen.
People of Essex, both these hands are clean (holds out his hands).
Oldest inhabitant. They ain't.
Wat.They is! Who's that? Some tyrant's minion.
Gag him! and vote for freedom of opinion,
(Inhabitant is hustled off the stage.)
Few are the promises you'll hear from me.
Send me to Westminster as your M.P.,
And you shall see——
Crowd. What?
Wat.Here's what you shall see:
Wealth, splendour, carriages and four—that's what;
The strongest ale a halfpenny a pot,
Taxes abolished, grievances amended,
And all the theatres' free lists ne'er suspended,
Washing for nothing, pickles, pastry, fun,
And Wallsend coals at eighteenpence a ton.
Give me your votes, and by next Michaelmas quarter
Each man shall have the moon who owns a pail of water.
Then a bold peasantry, their country's pride,
Shall live on eggs and bacon neatly fried.
The workhouse poor shall feed on buttered crumpets,
And eat roast mutton to the sound of trumpets;
The beggar smoke the best Bengal cheroots,
And have another man to clean his boots.
Beaumanners. Suppose to this the other makes objection?
Wat. You hear my honourable friend's reflection.
In such a case, deny it if you can,
It's plain that we must hang the other man.
I've said my say; the Commons are my goal;
I am a hatter—let me head the poll.
Beaumanners, who is in love with Tyler's daughter Ellen (Miss Constance Loseby), was represented by Miss Ellen Farren,[35] to whom Mr. Sala assigned the delivery of some of his best puns—as, for instance:—