"What did you say? Out with it, old chap!" Mr. Hughes seemed to be holding intense amusement back, with a knowledge that it would get the bit in its teeth in the end.
Mr. Aiken, seeing this, intensified and enlarged his manner. "I merely said—no, really it's the simple honest truth, every word—I merely said, 'Your mistress says you know the meaning of "up-to-date," Sairah.' And what does the beast of a girl do but turn vermilion and stand staring like a stuck pig!"
Mr. Hughes began shaking his head slowly from side to side. But he did not get to the direction accelerando, for he stopped short, and said abruptly, "Well—what next?"
Mr. Aiken assumed a responsible and mature manner, rather like that of a paterfamilias on his beat. "I reasoned with the girl. Pointed out that her mistress wouldn't say things to turn vermilion about. I tried to soothe her suspicions...."
Mr. Hughes interrupted, saying dubiously: "I see. No tong-dresses, of course?"
Mr. Aiken explained that that was just where the misapprehension had come in. If his wife had been inside the room instead of on the stairs, she would have seen that there was absolutely nothing. Mr. Hughes looked incredulous.
"There must have been somethin', old chap, to set your missis off. Don't tell me!"
But Mr. Aiken would tell Mr. Hughes—would insist on doing so. "It was the horrible, shameless brute's diabolical malice!" he shouted. "Nothing more nor less! What does she do but say out loud just as my wife was coming into the room, 'You keep your 'ands off of me, Mr. Aching!' and of course, when Euphemia came in, she thought I had just jumped half a mile off. And it was rough on me, Stump, because really my motive was to save my wife having to get another house-and-parlourmaid."
"Motive for what?" said Mr. Hughes shrewdly. He had touched the weak point of the story. "Did you, or did you not, young man, take this young person round the waist or chuck her under the chin?"
"My dear Hughes," said Mr. Aiken, with undisguised impatience, "I wouldn't chuck that odious girl under the chin with the end of a barge-pole. Nor," he added after reflection, "take her round the waist with one of the drags in readiness at the Lodge." The barge-pole had conducted his imagination to the Regent's Canal, and left it there.