Evening Dress / Farce

by William Dean Howells

III

Mrs. Roberts, without: "Oh, Edward, is it a burglar?"

Mrs. Campbell, without: "Is it a mouse, Willis?"

Mrs. Roberts: "Ring for the district telegraph—call for a policeman, Edward! Press the ratchet down three times!"

Mrs. Campbell: "Don't kill him, Willis; don't you dare to kill him. Take him up with the tongs and fling him out of the window!"

Mrs. Roberts: "Don't trust him, Edward: get Willis to hold him, and press the ratchet quick!"

Mrs. Campbell: "Keep him from getting back into his hole, for then you never can tell whether he's there or not!"

Mrs. Roberts: "Why don't you answer, Edward? Oh, dear, perhaps he's garroted Edward. I know he has!"

Mrs. Campbell: "Willis, if this is any of your tricks—if it's one of your miserable practical jokes—"