Evening Dress / Farce

by William Dean Howells

Campbell: "Supper?"

Mrs. Roberts: "Oh, yes! Mrs. Miller never gives you anything but ice-cream; and I thought we should all need something hot when we got back, and so I had a few—But I forgot all about the supper!"

Campbell: "I'm glad Bella didn't. Better let Bella put Roberts's clothes away, after this."

Mrs. Roberts, in extreme dejection: "Yes, I think I really had, Willis. I'm not fit to be Edward's wife, if I behave that way to him."

Campbell: "Well, well, he must have a divorce, then; but not till after supper."

Mrs. Campbell: "Yes, never mind now, Agnes. It's all turned out well, as it is: Edward has been spared a fearful bore, and nobody will ever be any the wiser about your putting away his evening dress—"

Campbell: "Oh, indeed! Won't they? When Baker and Merrick meet at the club, and exchange notes about Agnes locking up Roberts's clothes—"

Mrs. Roberts, with horror: "Edward! You didn't send that word to them!"

Roberts: "Why—why—I'm afraid we did, something like it, my dear. We had to explain our request, somehow—"

Mrs. Roberts, relaxing into a chair: "Then I simply never can hold up my head again." She lets it fall in typical despair.