Roberts: “My dear sir, I know—I can understand how it seems offensive; but I can assure you that I had no intention—no—no—” he falters, with an imploring glance at Campbell, who takes the word.
Campbell: “Look here, Mr. McIlheny, you can appreciate the feelings of a gentleman situated as my friend was here. He had to meet a lady whom he had never seen before, and didn’t know by sight; and we decided—Mrs. McIlheny was so pleasant and kindly looking—that he should go and ask her if she had seen a lady of the description he was looking for, and—”
McIlheny: “Yessor! I can appreciate ahl that. But fwhy did he ask her if she was the lady? Fwhy did he ask her if she was a cuke? That’s what I wannt to know!”
Campbell: “Well, now, I’m sure you can understand that. He was naturally a good deal embarrassed at having to address a strange lady; his mind was full of his wife’s cook, and instead of asking her if she’d seen a cook, he bungled and he blundered, and asked her—I suppose—if she was a cook. Can’t you see that? how it would happen?”
McIlheny, with conviction: “Yessor, I can. And I’ll feel it an hannor if you gintlemen will join me in a glass of wine on the carner, across the way—”
Campbell: “But your train?”
McIlheny: “Oh, domn the thrain! But I’ll just stip aboord and tell Mrs. McIlheny I’ve met a frind, an’ I’ll be out by the next thrain, an’ I’ll be back wid you in a jiffy.” He runs out, and Campbell turns to Roberts.
Roberts: “Good heavens, Willis! what are we going to do? Surely, we can’t go out and drink with this man?”
Campbell: “I’m afraid we sha’n’t have the pleasure. I’m afraid Mrs. McIlheny is of a suspicious nature; and when Mr. Mac comes back, it’ll be to offer renewed hostility instead of renewed hospitality. I don’t see anything for us but flight, Roberts. Or, you can’t fly, you poor old fellow! You’ve got to stay and look out for that cook. I’d be glad to stay for you, but, you see, I should not know her.”
Roberts: “I don’t know her either, Willis. I was just thinking whether you couldn’t manage this wretched man rather better alone. I—I’m afraid I confuse you; and he gets things out of me—admissions, you know—”