Campbell: “But your train?”
McIlheny: “Oh, domn the thrain! But I’ll just stip aboord and tell Mrs. McIlheny I’ve met a frind, an’ I’ll be out by the next thrain, an’ I’ll be back wid you in a jiffy.” He runs out, and Campbell turns to Roberts.
Roberts: “Good heavens, Willis! what are we going to do? Surely, we can’t go out and drink with this man?”
Campbell: “I’m afraid we sha’n’t have the pleasure. I’m afraid Mrs. McIlheny is of a suspicious nature; and when Mr. Mac comes back, it’ll be to offer renewed hostility instead of renewed hospitality. I don’t see anything for us but flight, Roberts. Or, you can’t fly, you poor old fellow! You’ve got to stay and look out for that cook. I’d be glad to stay for you, but, you see, I should not know her.”
Roberts: “I don’t know her either, Willis. I was just thinking whether you couldn’t manage this wretched man rather better alone. I—I’m afraid I confuse you; and he gets things out of me—admissions, you know—”
Campbell: “No, no! Your moral support is everything. That lie of mine is getting whittled away to nothing; we shall soon be down to the bare truth. If it hadn’t been for these last admissions of yours, I don’t know what I should have done. They were a perfect inspiration. I’ll tell you what, Roberts! I believe you can manage this business twice as well without me. But you must keep your eye out for the cook! You mustn’t let any respectable butter-ball leave the room without asking her if she’s the one. You’ll know how to put it more delicately now. And I won’t complicate you with McIlheny any more. I’ll just step out here—”
Roberts: “No, no, no! You mustn’t go, Willis. You mustn’t indeed! I shouldn’t know what to do with that tipsy nuisance. Ah, here he comes again!”
Campbell, cheerily, to the approaching McIlheny: “I hope you didn’t lose your train, Mr. McIlheny!”
McIlheny, darkly: “Never moind my thrain, sor! My wife says it was a put-up jahb between ye. She says ye were afther laughun’, and lukun’ and winkun’ at her before this mahn slipped up to spake to her. Now what do ye make of that?”
Campbell: “We were laughing, of course. I had been laughing at my friend’s predicament, in being left to meet a lady he’d never seen before. You laughed at it yourself.”