But doubts, though logically answered, still rose in Lincoln's mind. On the other hand, and more important, Lincoln did not find himself able to accept the rigid Calvinism of the Presbyterian Church of that day. The evangelist made strong appeals, and Lincoln was not unmoved. But he said to his friends that "he couldn't quite see it."
Lincoln was a man of mighty courage when his convictions were assured. But he was also a man of more than normal caution. He could meet an issue which he was fully convinced was right with all needful heroism. But he was capable of evading an issue about which he was uncertain.
We know what Lincoln did just after his State Fair speech in Springfield on October 3, 1854. He was roused "as never before," to quote his own words, by the repeal of the Missouri Compromise, and he came out in a four hours' speech following Douglas, and committed himself unqualifiedly to the anti-Nebraska program. The Abolitionists were overjoyed, and Lovejoy wanted him to address that body that very night. Lincoln was in a quandary. To offend the Abolitionists meant political death, for they were now strong and growing stronger; but, on the other hand, to become an Abolitionist meant political death also at that stage of the fight. Herndon, who was himself an Abolitionist, and not much given to compromise, fully realized that Lincoln was in grave political danger.[59] With Herndon's approval, Lincoln took Bob in his buggy and drove off out into the country till the crisis was over.[60]
We know something also, though probably not the whole truth, about Lincoln's wavering indecision with respect to his marriage to Mary Todd. Whether he ran away from his own wedding, as he ran away from the offer of the leadership of the Abolition movement, and if so, whether he was sane or insane at the time, are questions which I prefer not, at this time, to undertake to answer. But that incident may be cited as another reminder that Lincoln had times of great mental uncertainty, and that at such times he sometimes did unexpected things.
It is my firm conviction that, after the death of Eddie, Lincoln was profoundly stirred in his own spiritual life; that the arguments of Dr. Smith went far toward answering the arguments of Paine, Volney, and his freethinking friends; that bereavement and spiritual comfort had done their work of grace; that the desire for a home more truly united in its religious relations and spiritual sympathies made a strong appeal to him; and that the atmosphere of the revival seemed to make it easy and natural for him to enter the church with Mrs. Lincoln. But, though a Calvinist in his early training, he was not ready to accept Calvinism as a complete and articulated system as presented in the Westminster Confession and in the preaching of Dr. Smith.
He wavered. Whether he left town to avoid pressure to attend the meeting of the Session at which his wife made her application for church membership, we do not know. It is not improbable. Certainly if his absence had been unavoidable he could have joined at the next opportunity. I think that he did not join because he was still in some measure of intellectual uncertainty with reference to doctrinal matters. I am only sorry that someone did not tell him that these were no sufficient reasons for his declining to unite with the church.
It would be possible to carry this study further, but it is not necessary. An explanation of Lincoln's failure to unite with a Christian church in that time of bitter sectarianism when to have joined one church would have made him a target for criticism from others and when his mind was intent rather upon the application of his Christian principles than the proclamation of his religious opinions, is partly to be attributed to the faults of the churches; but a portion of the explanation is to be found also in qualities inherent in the life of Abraham Lincoln.