"I set apart this day for secret fasting and prayer, to entreat God to direct and bless me with regard to the great work which I have in view, of preaching the gospel—and that the Lord would return to me and show me the light of His countenance. Had little life and power in the forenoon. Near the middle of the afternoon, God enabled me to wrestle ardently in intercession for my friends. But just at night the Lord visited me marvelously in prayer. I think my soul never was in such an agony before. I felt no restraint; for the treasures of divine grace were opened to me. I wrestled for absent friends, for the ingathering of souls, for multitudes of poor souls, and for many that I thought were the children of God, personally, in many distant places. I was in such an agony from sun half an hour high, till near dark, that I was all over wet with sweat; but yet it seemed to me that I had wasted the day and done nothing. Oh, my dear Savior did sweat blood for poor souls! I longed for more compassion towards them. Felt still in a sweet frame, under a sense of divine love and grace, and went to bed in such a frame, with my heart set on God.
"April 30, 1743.
"The presence of God is what I want. I live in the most lonely, melancholy desert, about eighteen miles from Albany; for it was not thought best that I should go to Delaware river. I board with a poor Scotchman. His wife can talk scarce any English. My diet consists mostly of hasty pudding, boiled corn, and bread baked in the ashes, and sometimes a little meat and butter. My lodging is a little heap of straw, laid upon some boards a little way from the ground; for it is a log room, without any floor, that I lodge in. My work is exceedingly hard and difficult. I travel on foot a mile and a half, the worst of ways, almost daily, and back again; for I live so far from my Indians. I have not seen an English person in this month. These, and many other circumstances, equally uncomfortable, attend me. The Lord grant that I may learn to 'endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.'
"August 15, 1743.
"Spent most of the day in labor to procure something to keep my horse on in the winter. Enjoyed not much sweetness in the morning; was very weak in body through the day, and thought that this frail body would soon drop into the dust, and had some very realizing apprehensions of a speedy entrance into another world. In this weak state of body, I was not a little distressed for want of suitable food. I had no bread, nor could I get any. I am forced to go or send ten or fifteen miles for all the bread I eat; and sometimes it is moldy and sour before I eat it, if I get any considerable quantity. And then again I have none for some days together, for want of an opportunity to send for it, and can not find my horse in the woods to go myself; and this was my case today. But through divine goodness I had some Indian meal, of which I made little cakes, and fried them. Yet I felt contented with my circumstances, and sweetly resigned to God. In prayer I enjoyed great freedom, and blessed God as much for my present circumstances, as if I had been a king; and thought that I found a disposition to be contented in any circumstances. Blessed be God!
"January 23, 1744.
"I think I never felt more resigned to God, nor so dead to the world, in every respect, as now. Am dead to all desire of reputation and greatness, either in life or after death. All I long for is to be holy, humble, and crucified to the world.
"March 2, 1744.
"Was most of the day employed in writing on a divine subject. Was frequent in prayer and enjoyed some small degree of assistance. But in the evening God was pleased to grant me divine sweetness in prayer especially in the duty of intercession. I think I never felt so much kindness and love to those who, I have reason to think, are my enemies—though at that time I found such a disposition to think the best of all, that I scarce knew how to think that any such thing as enmity and hatred lodged in any soul. It seemed that all the world must needs be friends. I never prayed with more freedom and delight for myself, or dearest friend, than I did now for my enemies.
"March 3, 1744.