Besides these things, I could in like sort set down the ways and means whereby our ancient ladies of the court do shun and avoid idleness, some of them exercising their fingers with the needle, others in caulwork, divers in spinning of silk, some in continual reading either of the Holy Scriptures, or histories of our own or foreign nations about us, and divers in writing volumes of their own, or translating of other men’s into our English and Latin tongue,[205] whilst the youngest sort in the meantime apply their lutes, citherns, pricksong, and all kind of music, which they use only for recreation’s sake when they have leisure, and are free from attendance upon the queen’s majesty or such as they belong unto. How many of the eldest sort also are skilful in surgery and distillation of waters, besides sundry other artificial practices pertaining to the ornature and commendations of their bodies, I might (if I listed to deal further in this behalf) easily declare; but I pass over such manner of dealing, lest I should seem to glaver and curry favour with some of them. Nevertheless this I will generally say of them all, that as each of them are cunning in something whereby they keep themselves occupied in the court, so there is in manner none of them but when they be at home can help to supply the ordinary want of the kitchen with a number of delicate dishes of their own devising, wherein the Portuguese is their chief counsellor, as some of them are most commonly with the clerk of the kitchen, who useth (by a trick taken up of late) to give in a brief rehearsal of such and so many dishes as are to come in at every course throughout the whole service in the dinner or supper while, which bill some do call a memorial, others a billet, but some a fillet, because such are commonly hanged on the file and kept by the lady or gentlewoman unto some other purpose. But whither am I digressed?
I might finally describe the large allowances in offices and yearly liveries, and thereunto the great plenty of gold and silver plate, the several pieces whereof are commonly so great and massive, and the quantity thereof so abundantly serving all the household, that (as I suppose) Cinyras, Crœsus, and Crassus had not the like furniture; nay, if Midas were now living and once again put to his choice, I think he could ask no more, or rather not half so much as is there to be seen and used. But I pass over to make such needless discourses, resolving myself that even in this also, as in all the rest, the exceeding mercy and loving kindness of God doth wonderfully appear towards us, in that he hath so largely endued us with these his so ample benefits.
In some great princes’ courts beyond the seas, and which even for that cause are likened unto hell by divers learned writers that have spent a great part of their time in them, as Henricus Cornelius Agrippa, one (for example) who in his epistle Ad aulicum quendam, saith thus—
“An non in inferno es amice, qui es in aula, ubi dæmonum habitatio est, qui illic suis artibus humana licet effigie regnant, atque ubi scelerum schola est, et animarum jactura ingens, ac quicquid uspiam est perfidæ ac doli, quicquid crudelitatis et inclementiæ quicquid effrænatæ superbiæ et rapacis avariciæ quicquid obscenæ libidinis, fædissimæ impudicitiæ, quicquid nefandæ impietatis et norum pessimorum, totum illic acervatur cumulatissime ubi strupra, raptus, incestus, adulteria, principum et nobilium ludi sunt ubi fastus et tumor, ira, livor, fœdaque cupido cum sociis suis imperavit, ubi, criminum omnium procellæ virtutumque omnium inenarrabile naufragium,” etc.
In such great princes’ courts (I say) it is a world to see what lewd behaviour is used among divers of those that resort unto the same, and what whoredom, swearing, ribaldry, atheism, dicing, carding, carousing, drunkenness, gluttony, quarrelling, and such like inconveniences do daily take hold, and sometimes even among those in whose estates the like behaviour is least convenient (whereby their talk is verified, which say that the thing increaseth and groweth in the courts of princes, saving virtue, which in such places doth languish and daily fade away), all which enormities are either utterly expelled out of the court of England or else so qualified by the diligent endeavour of the chief officers of her grace’s household that seldom are any of these things apparently seen there without due reprehension and such severe correction as belongeth to those trespassers. Finally, to avoid idleness, and prevent sundry transgressions otherwise likely to be committed and done, such order is taken that every office hath either a Bible, or the books of the Acts and Monuments of the Church of England, or both, besides some histories and chronicles lying therein, for the exercise of such as come into the same: whereby the stranger that entereth into the court of England upon the sudden shall rather imagine himself to come into some public school of the universities, where many give ear to one that readeth, than into a princes’ palace, if you confer the same with those of other nations. Would to God all honourable personages would take example of her grace’s godly dealing in this behalf, and shew their conformity unto these her so good beginnings! Which, if they would, then should many grievous offences (wherewith God is highly displeased) be cut off and restrained, which now do reign exceedingly, in most noble and gentlemen’s houses, whereof they see no pattern within her grace’s gates.
I might speak here of the great trains and troops of serving men also which attend upon the nobility of England in their several liveries and with differences of cognisances on their sleeves, whereby it is known to whom they appertain. I could also set down what a goodly sight it is to see them muster in the court, which, being filled with them, doth yield the contemplation of a noble variety unto the beholder, much like to the shew of the peacock’s tail in the full beauty, or of some meadow garnished with infinite kinds and diversities of pleasant flowers.[206] But I pass over the rehearsal hereof to other men, who more delight in vain amplification than I, and seek to be more curious in these points than I profess to be.[207]