“Out of your pay, Dick?” she exclaimed. “Why fifty pounds is required over and above that pay you talk of, every penny of which you will have to spend, and supposing that you should not be employed for a time, and have to live on shore. Do you happen to know what a midshipman’s half-pay is? Why just nothing at all and find yourself. You talk a good deal of knowing all about the matter, but it’s just clear that you know nothing.”
“I wish, my dear Dick, that we could save enough to help you,” said my mother, who was always ready to assist us in any of our plans; “but you know how difficult I find it to get even a few shillings to spend.”
My mother’s remark soothed my irritated feelings and disappointment, or I should have said something which might not have been pleasant to Aunt Deb’s ears.
We continued talking on the subject, I devising all sorts of plans, and arguing tooth and nail with Aunt Deb, for I had made up my mind to go to sea, and to go I was determined by hook or by crook; but that fifty pounds a year was, I confess, a damper to my hopes of becoming a midshipman.
If I could have set to work and made the fifty pounds, I would have done my best to do so, but I was as little likely to make fifty pounds as I was to make fifty thousand. Aunt Deb also reminded my father that it was not fifty pounds a year for one year, but fifty pounds for several years, which he might set down as three hundred pounds, at least, of which, through my foolish fancy, I should be depriving him, and my mother, and brothers, and sisters.
There was no denying that, so I felt that I was defeated. I had at length to go to bed, feeling as disappointed and miserable as I had ever been in my life. To Ned, the brother just above me in age, who slept in the same room, I opened my heart.
“I am the most miserable being in the world!” I exclaimed. “I wish that I had never been born. If it had not been for Aunt Deb father would have given in, but she hates me, I know, and always has hated me, and takes a pleasure in thwarting my wishes. I’ve a great mind to run off to sea, and enter before the mast just to spite her.”
Ned, who was a quiet, amiable fellow, taking much after our kind mother, endeavoured to tranquillise my irritated feelings.
“Don’t talk in that way, Dick,” he said in a gentle tone. “You might get tired of the life, even if you were to go into the navy; but, perhaps, means may be found, after all, to enable you to follow the bent of your wishes. All naval captains may not insist on their midshipmen having an allowance of fifty pounds a year; or, perhaps, if they do, some friend may find the necessary funds.”
“I haven’t a friend in the world,” I answered. “If my father cannot give me the money I don’t know who can. I know that Aunt Deb would not, even if she could.”