"Good-night."
The door closed, and I found myself on the steps with my hat in one hand and the soft velvet purse in the other. It seemed all like a dream. However, I put my hat on my head and the purse in my pocket, and walked down Baker Street toward Oxford Street. When I got through Portman Square I turned up Lower Seymour Street, as I wanted to be quiet, and dreaded the uproar of Oxford Street. I walked on looking for some quiet place where I could sit down for a few minutes and collect myself; I looked into one or two public-houses, but turned away in disgust at the noisy crowds I saw inside them. At length I found a quiet-looking tavern, and entered at the private bar, which I was pleased to find I had to myself. Having called for a glass of ale I sat down. There was no one but myself in the house at the time, so after serving me the young lady went back to the bar-parlor. I took out the purse and, after looking to satisfy myself that no one could observe me, kissed it. It was made of soft blue velvet, with a gold clasp, and felt weighty and bulky. I knew, of course, that there was money in it, but so much was I thinking of the giver, and so little of the gift, that, if my curiosity had not been suddenly excited, I should probably have taken it home unopened.
I was seized, however, by a sudden curiosity, and opened it. In one compartment were a number of sovereigns. In the other two compartments there were rolls of paper. I took out one of these rolls, and, to my astonishment, found ten ten-pound Bank of England notes. Having replaced them, I took out the other roll and found that it was made up of five twenty-pound notes. More than two hundred pounds! With trembling hands I replaced the notes, and put the purse in my pocket again. Was it a mistake? So enormous did the amount seem to me that, for a moment, I thought she must have made some mistake. But a minute's reflection satisfied me on that point. It was only consistent with what she had promised, and with what she had the evident ability to do. I had, then, two hundred pounds that I could call my own! For a moment I sat dazed at the fortune, as it seemed, that I was carrying about with me. When I began to realize that the money was my own, my first definite emotion was a feeling of dread, almost of guilt, at having so much money about me that I could do as I pleased with; and then the thought from which the emotion had unconsciously sprung began to evolve itself, and to present itself more and more clearly to my mind.
I was acting in a manner that belied my real character and motives. I was, to all outward appearance, the mere hireling, the paid puppet of the woman who was in reality the mistress of my soul. At first I thought of going back to York Place to return the purse, and tell her that in obeying her wishes I was actuated by sentiment and not by avarice. But a very little reflection told me that if I acted in such a manner there would be fixed between the wealthy lady and the penniless shop-boy an impassable gulf. She might, and probably would, misconstrue my motives. What she would certainly do, if she were still at York Place, for I had no proof that she lived there, would be to wish me good-night, and shut the door against me forever. The only possibility of winning her, I could see clearly, was to take the means that were thus offered to educate and fit myself for the sphere of society in which she lived, and trust to the chapter of accidents for an opportunity of meeting her and gaining her affection. So, resolving that I would make myself worthy to be her husband, and little doubting, in the fondness of the moment, that when I had done so we should meet, I got up and made my way home.
I went to Mr. Conder's shop the next morning, as I thought it would be more friendly, and more dignified, to see him myself before we parted. And, as I anticipated, he made no difficulty in terminating our engagement when I told him that I had come in for a few thousand pounds! After I left him I went to a shop where they sold ready-made clothes, to get some things for immediate use.
Three o'clock was the time that was arranged for these clothes to be delivered at Charlton Crescent. The intervening time I employed in going to different places in the city to pay some debts I owed, and then took a 'bus to the Angel, and got to Charlton Crescent at about ten minutes past three.
When I opened the door Mrs. Duncan (my landlady) came out of her parlor in a great state of excitement to tell me that there was a large parcel, and a letter, and a telegram in my bedroom; and that the letter had been left about half an hour before by such a fashionable-looking young gentleman, who had asked so particularly whether I had left any word before I went out as to when I would be likely to return.
I ran up to my bedroom. There, sure enough, was a large brown paper parcel on my bed, and on the chest of drawers a telegram and a letter, both of which were addressed to:
James Brooke, Esq., 8 Charlton Crescent, Islington, N.