“It looks a little oddly” you say that you should have been “discarded not long after the dismission of a set of men and measures with whom you have nothing in common;” and you “hope,” that “no whisperer has insinuated” that you are “whiggishly inclined.” Allow me to tell you, Madam, that if the family of the Days had not been “whiggishly inclined” in the year 1688, you might still have been a “common Day.” I know not how you incline now, and it is of very little consequence; for all “parties” are busy in promoting the happiness of the commonwealth, and I hope, in my lifetime at least, that no Day will be dishonoured by dissensions about trifles at home, or war upon any pretence abroad. And now, Madam, after this indispensable notice of your little flaunt, let me add, that the prorogation of parliament during that season when “in the course of nature” you arrive, and the king’s attention to the manufacturing and trading of the country, are obvious reasons for keeping the King’s-birth-Day, in customary splendour on the 23d Day of April, instead of the 12th Day of August. You are honoured again in your own season at the palace; and your complaint amounts to no more than this, that having received your honours in the presence of a full court circle before you are entitled to them, they are not all repeated to a semicircle:—how childish! Then, you talk about the “ante-dating of births” and “Parish Registers” as if you were the daughter of a parish clerk—remember yourself, Madam.
St. George’s-Day has far more cause for vexation than you. The little respect usually paid to her celebration is eclipsed by the uproar of yours. “The Tower and Park guns proclaim so many big thundering fibs upon her anniversary” for you; and you call her, your elder sister, a “naughty kept creature;” poor thing! How eloquent is her silence compared with your loquacity! how dignified! yet she has antiquity to boast of—the antiquity of many generations, while you at the utmost, are only of sixty-three years standing; indeed, as the King’s-birth-Day, you are not halfway to your teens. A quarrel among the Days would be odious; this would be detestable. Happily the Day-family is saved from this disgrace by the prudence of your more experienced sister, who will no doubt decline provocation even under your spiteful collocation of George of Leyden with George of Cappadocia—she understands the taunt well enough; and can see through the whimsical association of George-a-Green with George Dyer. The dead George-a-Green no one can harm, and the living George Dyer is as harmless. This is pitiful work, and if you were not the King’s-birth-Day you would be made to suffer for it. “However,” as my friend Dyer would say, “let that pass:” he is a good creature, and maintains his innocence spite of his union—with George-a-Green.
On the presentation of your petition I had some doubt whether I ought to entertain such a petition for a moment; but on reconsideration I doubted whether the justice of the case would not be better answered by dealing with it in another way; and I give you the benefit of that doubt: the petition is dismissed.
The Editor.
FLORAL DIRECTORY.
Great Sowthistle. Sonchus palustris.
Dedicated to St. Clare.
[250] Twenty-ninth Day of February.