Mr. Paul Pry in the Character of Mr. Liston.
“Just popp’d in, you know!”
LETTER
from
PAUL PRY.
To the Editor of the Every-Day Book.
Sir,
I hope I don’t intrude—I have called at Ludgate-hill a great many times to see you, and made many kind inquiries, but I am always informed you are “not at home;” and what’s worse, I never can learn when you’ll be “at home;” I’m constantly told, “it’s very uncertain.” This looks very odd; I don’t think it correct. Then again, on asking your people what the Every-Day Book is all about? they say it’s about every thing; but that you know is no answer—is it? I want something more than that. When I tell ’em so, and that I’m so much engaged I haven’t time to read, they say the book is as useful to people engaged in business as to people out of business—as if I was in business! I wish to acquaint every body, that I am not in business, and never was in business, though I’ve a deal of business to do; but then it’s for my own amusement, and that’s nobody’s business, you know—as I also told ’em. They say it’s impossible to describe the contents of the book, but that all the particulars are in the Index; that’s just what I wanted; but behold! it is “not out”—that is, it is not in—I mean not in the book—you take. Excuse my humorsomeness: I only wish to know when I can get it? They say in a few days, but, bless you, I don’t believe ’em; for though I let ’em know I’ve a world of things to communicate to you, when you’ve time to see me, and let me ask you a few questions, they won’t credit me, and why should I credit them—I was not born yesterday, I assure you. I’m of a very ancient stock, and I’ve some notion you and I are kinsmen—don’t you think we are? I dare say there’s a likeness, for I’m sure we are of the same disposition; if you aren’t, how can you find out so much “about every thing.” If I can make out that you are one of the Pry family, it will be mutually agreeable—won’t it? How people will stare—won’t they?
I suppose you’ve heard how I’ve been used by Mr. Liston—my private character exposed on the public stage, and the whole town roaring at the whole of the Pry family. But we are neither to be cried down nor laughed down, and so I’d have let the play-goers know, if the managers had allowed me to sing a song on New-year’s night, in imitation of Mr. Liston when he’s a playing me. Will you believe it—they burst out a laughing, and would not let me go on the boards—they said the audience would suppose me to be the actor himself; what harm would that have done the theatre?—can you tell? They said, it would hurt Mr. Liston’s feelings—never considering my feelings! If ever I try to serve them or their theatre again, I’ll be—Liston! They shall be matched, however, if you’ll help me. I’ve copied out my song, and if you’ll print it in the Every-Day Book, it will drive ’em mad. I wish, of all things, that Mr. Cruikshank could see me in the character of Liston—he could hit me I know—don’t you think he could?—just as I am—“quite correct”—like he did “Guy Faux” last 5th of November. I never laughed so much in all my life as when I saw that. Bless you, I can mimic Liston all to nothing. Do get your friend George to your house some day—any day he likes—it’s all one to me, for I call every day; and as I’m an “every-day” man, you know, why you might pop me at the head of the song in your Every-Day Book—that’s a joke you know—I can’t help laughing—so droll! I’ve enclosed the song, you see.
[The wish of this correspondent is complied with, and the manner wherein, it is presumed, he would have sung the song, is hinted at parenthetically.]
MR. PAUL PRY’S SONG,
Intended to have been sung by him at the Theatre,
In the Character of MR. LISTON,
ON NEW YEAR’S EVE.
Tune——Mr. Liston’s.
(Pryingly.) I hope I don’t intrude!—
(Fearfully.) I thought I heard a cough—
(Apologetically.) I hope I am not rude—
(Confidentially.) I say—the Year’s going off!