The sets of habits and reactions developed socially, under family, community, and church influence, may become almost as definite as the mechanistic adjustments which I mentioned at the beginning of the chapter. The “folkways” become equivalent in force to the instincts and even displace them. In the following case the girl is completely isolated, and in a very critical situation but resists temptation on the basis of her memories.
35. This happened fourteen years ago. I had been in America but a short time and was a healthy and pretty girl of nineteen.
I had worked in a place seven months and earned the gigantic sum of $4.00 a week. But soon slack set in and I lost my job. It was summer and in the hot days I continued to look for work. The whole day I used to drag my tired body from place to place, only to come home in the evening all fagged out and with no prospect of work.
I was then living with a widow who was even poorer than myself for she had to provide for her several children. I had to sleep there for I could not live in the street, but stopped eating there because she simply had nothing to give me and I could not afford to pay her. What was I to do? So twice a day I used to “feed” my stomach on credit, that is, I would promise to repay it all the foregone breakfasts and dinners as soon as I got a job.
What I did eat I obtained in the following manner: I went into a grocery and waited until all the customers were gone, when I would whisper to the grocer to let me have an old roll and a piece of herring on the promise of paying for it when I found work. That’s how I managed to live while starving.
It will be understood that this sort of life did not satisfy me. I recall with horror the wild thoughts that entered my mind as I paced the streets in the hot weather, hungry and thirsty. Temptation was whispering to me that a pretty and healthy girl like me did not have to wait for honest labor.... That I did not yield to the voice of temptation was simply a miracle, despite the fact that I am not religious and do not believe in miracles.
Once I nearly lost control of myself ... but the memory of my parents on the other side who were very religious and respectable people—the love for them—saved me from taking the false step. It was this way: One afternoon of a very warm day, being tired of walking around in search of work, hungry and thirsty, I dropped my hands in despair, murmuring to myself: “Come what may, I can stand it no longer.... I can’t....” And I began to look for some young man to whom to offer my body....
My heart beat heavily, my hands and feet trembled and my teeth chattered as I passed by many men without daring to carry out my decision. Finally, my eyes were set upon a well-dressed young man whom I was going to stop.... But at the very last moment the bright faces of my parents appeared before my eyes and I desisted in terror from my plan. I thought it was better to drop in the street than bring disgrace upon my dear parents. I went home afterward.
The point that I want to bring out is this: One evening I went as usual to a grocery to obtain my portion of roll and a piece of herring. The grocer, not a friendly man, at least not a thinking man, drove me out of the store.... This experience chased away my hunger and I did not attempt to enter another grocery. Ashamed and embittered, I went home. In the hall of the house I noticed a green slip of paper on the floor. My heart leapt with joy. I picked it up, doubting whether it was really money, for I did not believe that such good fortune could befall me.... I examined the paper closely and found it to be a genuine one-dollar bill! I was as overwhelmed with joy as if I had found a whole treasure, as if I had suddenly turned millionaire.
I began to plan a gala meal—bologna and tea ... but first I decided to go to the candy store for some “lemon and strawberry mixed” soda for three cents. As I walked up the flights of stairs to my room to wash up, I heard a mother’s scolding and a child’s weeping as it was being whipped by its mother. She was punishing him for losing the dollar on the way to the grocery. The poor boy was crying with his last strength and it could break anybody’s heart.