Her sex history is as follows. She met the father by chance going home from school, when she accidentally ran into him. After this she happened to see him occasionally, and their casual meetings finally terminated in an intimacy. She knew the father three years and had relationships with him in the woods for a year and a half before the birth of her child. The girl said, “When I was 13 there came to me an awful longing for some one to love me and kiss me at night. I thought it was a mother’s love I wanted, but when this man talked to me I thought that was what I wanted. I had no wish to do wrong but longed to be loved.” For some time this man made love to her and represented himself as her truest friend. He told her that because she was an orphan she needed such a friendship. For many months there was no sexual intimacy between them. Finally he began to ask her questions concerning her menstrual periods and afterwards generally instructed her in sex matters. Following this conversation she frequently had relationships with him and did not learn that he was married until some months later. She declared that she loved and trusted the father of her child, and even after she became pregnant said that she could not regret her sexual relations with him or feel that she had done wrong. Meantime she had been twice assaulted by a man of loose character.
This is her statement regarding her attitude at this time: “He was not wholly to blame, because as soon as a man speaks to me concerning these things I get so aroused that I do not know what I am doing.” Both men were arrested, and the judge was unable to establish paternity. He gave the father, so called, a suspended sentence of one year and ordered him to support the child.... It was interesting to note the girl’s attitude after confinement. She said, “I wonder if these men who had intercourse with me didn’t feel beforehand that it would be an easy thing to do, since my mother had been so bad.”[[81]]
75. At sixteen Patty was a dreadful flirt, a fairly good student, and an adept at every kind of sport. About this time she made friends with a girl whom all the girls knew, but only slightly. There were rumors about her family which the girls heard long before their elders, but knowing nothing of real facts they kept their surmises to themselves, gossiped and wondered. Patty spent much time at this girl’s house and her aunt did not interfere. Soon stories began to be whispered. Boy students went to call on the girls and stayed very late. Patty always stayed with this girl when her parents were away. The servants in the house knew the facts of the case and had been bribed to keep still. All of Patty’s friends were desperate but loyal. No one would tell on her. Patty kissed the boys and ran after them. Olive, her friend, did worse things—but what? Led by this wholly bad girl, Patty was living the life of a wilful, passionate, little harlot, her heart wholly rebellious, her keen sex instincts wholly aroused. Class protection saved her for a long time. None of the boys quite dared to seduce her, but as time went on there were plenty of people who believed the worst and finally she let herself go completely. Soon after she became pregnant. Before this her aunt had stopped her friendship with Olive, but when she became quiet, wild-eyed, and shy, no one could believe the awful truth. The news spread like wild-fire and Patty left the town. One of the boys was anxious to marry her but she admitted she was not sure which of three boys was the father of her child and said she would not marry any one. She lived in the country with some good people and motherhood woke all the emotions of her best self. The baby lived only a short time and she came to her home town to visit her aunt, apparently for the purpose of being confirmed in her old church. She was the same fascinating girl with a sudden dignity of womanhood that amazed every one. People talked of her bravery in facing them all and no one would have dared to be anything but nice to her. Even the gossips realized that Patty was something of a person, after all. She went abroad after this, studied, and traveled. She was as talkative as ever and did every wild and impetuous thing which struck her fancy but with a contradictory element of reserve too elusive to explain. Her chaperone, who knew nothing of her past, often commented on the fact that Patty could manage the men,—no one presumed to take liberties with her.
When twenty-three she lost her heart to a man ten years her senior, a strong character with a dominant personality. When he told Patty he loved her, she flung herself in his arms and told the whole story rapidly, truthfully, without thought of the consequences. He held her close while she sobbed and quieted her as no one had ever quieted Patty before. “Hush, dear,” he said. “Of course it was necessary to tell me; we will never speak of it again. I know how much you need me. You have always needed me. I think I can make you happy.”
Patty ends the story by saying that in this man she found the refuge which was her salvation. Though intellectually her superior, her husband is stimulated by her active mind. Their sex relation is perfect. She has plenty of friends, both men and women, and he loves and admires her. Their home is comfortable, secure. They have two lovely children—a boy and a girl.
This woman realizes the faults of her nature. In looking back she thinks she flew blindly as a bird would fly, yet never without a subconscious realization of her folly. Her impulses were merely stronger than her control. She thinks she is probably more dependent upon a sex life than many women, yet intellectually she has developed wonderfully and is really a splendid woman, albeit too nervous, oversensitive, and frail.[[82]]
76. American girl, 19 years old, pregnant. Many elements of the feminine mind are demonstrated in her sincerity and truthfulness of understanding. Had no previous knowledge of sex life; did not know men were like that; did not know her own nature and the awakening of passion within herself was overwhelming.
Came to Boston a year ago. Lives with another girl, good as far as she knows. They have never talked about men’s relation with women. It is hard for her to talk about intimate matters, so she does not know how her friend feels. Is a Roman Catholic, but there is no good of her going to church now. She thinks the man would marry her, but how could she marry a man like that? Does not want him to kiss her now. When it was explained to her that this might be because she was pregnant, she was again interested. Perhaps, because how was it she loved to have him kiss her before? Motherhood is natural to her, but to face society unmarried seems an impossibility. When she speaks of her baby, her face lights with a look which is not sentimentalism. “Oh I could love it if I could only let it be born.” None of her family could ever know she was like “that.” “That” means that she could have a child when it is not right to have one. She had not a clear memory of her temptation and actual sex experience. “I was as much to blame as he was, for he did not make me, but I did not realize quite what I was doing, I felt numb. I had so much feeling I had none.”
This girl is difficult to describe. Unusual because with only a little help she could understand herself, probably with the whole of her nature, which few women do. Has the rare gift of seeing things as they are when she wishes to see them differently. Never had much education, went through grammar school, could have gone to high school but wanted to go to work. Works in a restaurant. Earns five dollars a week with meals and tips. Lives with another girl and together they pay $3 a week for their room. Met this man on the street. “All the girls do that.” He did not mean to harm her, she thinks; there was no talk of wrong doing at first; just good friends. “He is a strong man, makes me do things, yet asks me about everything we do. I cannot quite explain it.” (The truthful feminine mind again, the civilized desire to be a comrade warring against the primitive woman who wishes to be captured. Women of this type are particularly sensitive, apparently, particularly to be desired by the masculine mind.)
This girl is wholly natural. She came to me in an impulsive way. “I know a girl who knows a girl who knew you. I must tell some one so I came to you. I am in trouble.” Religion is remote to her as a personal experience. “That is a different part of myself—the part I dream with. I hate myself now. I do not feel like myself, but yet I feel differently. I can never be the same again.”