Sound passes through the thin Party Walls of modern Houses, (which of the first rate, at the Fire Place, are only four inches in thickness;) with most unfortunate facility; this is really an evil of the first magnitude,—if You are so unlucky as to have for next door neighbours—fashionable folks who turn night into day, or such as delight in the sublime Economy of Cindersaving, or Cobweb catching,—it is in vain to seek repose, before the former has indulged in the Evening’s recreation of raking out the Fire, and has played with the Poker till it has made all the red coals black; or, after Molidusta, the Tidy One, has awoke the Morn—with “the Broom, the bonny, bonny Broom.”
A determined Dusthunter, or Cindersaver, murders its neighbour’s sleep—with as little mercy, as Macbeth did Malcolm’s—and bangs doors, and rattles Window shutters, till the “Earth trembles, and Air is aghast!”
All attempts to conciliate a Savage who is in this fancy—will be labour in vain—the arrangement of its fire[29] is equally the occupation of the morning, and the amusement of the evening; the preservation of a Cinder and the destruction of a Cobweb, are the main business of its existence:—the best advice we can give you, gentle Reader—is to send it this little Book—and beseech it to place the following pages opposite to its Optic nerves some morning—after you have diverted it from Sleep every half hour during the preceding Night[30].
Counsellor Scribblefast, a Special Pleader, who lived on a ground-floor in the Temple—about the time that Sergeant Ponder who dwelt on the first floor, retired to rest, began to practise his Violoncello, “And his loud voice in Thunder spoke.”—The Student above—by way of giving him a gentle hint, struck up “Gently strike the warbling Lyre,” and Will. Harmony’s favourite Hornpipes of “Dont Ye,” and “Pray be Quiet:” however, the dolce and pianissimo of poor Ponder produced no diminution of the prestissimo and fortissimo of the indefatigable Scribblefast.
Ponder, prayed “silence in the Court,” and complained in most pathetic terms—but, alas! his “lowly suit and plaintive ditty” made not the least impression on him who was beneath him.—He at length procured a set of Skettles, and as soon as his musical neighbour had done fiddling, he began con strepito, and bowled away merrily till the morning dawned.—The enraged Musician did not wait long after daylight, to put in his plea against such proceedings, and received in reply, that such exercise had been ordered by a Physician, as the properest Paregoric, after being disturbed by the thorough Bass of the Big Fiddle below—this soon convinced the tormentor of Catgut, who dwelt on the Ground-Floor, that He could not annoy his superior with Impunity, and produced silence on both sides.
People are very unwisely inconsiderate how much it is their own Interest to attend to the comforts of their Neighbours, for which we have a divine command “to love our neighbour as ourself.” “Sic utere tuo, ut alienum non lædas,” is the maxim of our English law. Interrupting one’s Sleep is as prejudicial to Health, as any of the nuisances Blackstone enumerates as actionable.
The majority of the Dogs,—Parrots,—Piano-Fortes, &c. in this Metropolis, are Actionable Nuisances!!!
However inferior in rank and fortune, &c. your next door neighbour may be—there are moments when He may render you the most valuable service.—“A Lion owed his life to the exertions of a Mouse.”
Those who have not the power to please—should have the discretion not to offend;—the most humble may have opportunities to return a Kindness, or resent an Insult.
It is Madness to wantonly annoy any one.