“I’m going to need you so much. I can’t stand it, Rowan, to have you away from me now. I want my man. I want you—oh, I want you so badly! It isn’t fair. It isn’t right—now.”
Something in her voice startled him. He took her by the shoulders and held her gently from him while he looked into her eyes.
“You mean——”
She broke from his hands and clung to him. He knew her secret now. His heart beat fast as he held her in his strong arms. Joy, exultation, humility, fear, infinite tenderness—he tasted them all. But the emotion that remained was despair.
He had forfeited his right to protect and cherish her in her hour of need. She must go through the dark valley of the shadow alone, while he was shut up away from her. What kind of a husband had he been ever to let himself be put in such a position? All his strength and capacity would go for nothing. Because of his folly, her inexperience, her fragile youth would have to face the world unprotected, and even these were to be handicapped by the new life on the way. With what generous faith had she given herself into his keeping, and how poorly had he requited her! That very night he must take the journey at the end of which he was to be buried alive, must turn his back on her and leave her to make the fight alone.
He groaned. Ruth heard him murmur, “My love! My precious lamb!” She read the burning misery in his eyes. Womanlike, she flew to comfort him.
“I’m glad—oh, you don’t know how glad I am—now that we are tillicums again! I wouldn’t have it any other way, Rowan. If it weren’t for what’s going to happen—I couldn’t stand it to wait for you. Don’t you see? I’ll have a pledge of you with me all the time. When I’m loving it, I’ll be loving you.”
What she said was true. There had been forged a bond irrevocable between them. He recognized it with a lifted heart. The cross-current of fate that was snatching him from her must at last yield to the sweep of the tide that would bring them together.
“I’ve made my plans,” she went on. “I know just what I’m going to do—if you’ll let me. I want to go back to the ranch and run it.”
“I’m afraid that isn’t possible. This trial has cost me a lot of money. I’m mortgaged and in debt. Besides, ranching takes expert knowledge. It’s doubtful whether I could have held the ranch, anyhow. The government is creating forest reserves up in the hills. That will cut off the free range. Sheep are pushing in, and they’ll get what is left. We’d better sell out and save for you what little we can. It won’t be much, but if the stock brings a good price it will be something.”