Cornet Small (in a piping voice). Really, if I had the slightest anticipation that the regiment should have been ordered on foreign service at all, I would have joined the Blues. A man of fortune has no business in Ireland.
Col. Diamond. If this news of Lady Fanny's should turn out to be true, I must go to town immediately, and insist upon a change in the arrangement; the Duke must not be allowed to have his way in this: so, gentlemen, make yourselves easy on the subject. I am determined we shall not go.
[All the Mess are delighted, and a burst of applause follows the concluding word of the Colonel's assurance.]
Dr. Scott. Dinna fash aboot ganging to Ireland, gentlemen; it's no sae bad a spot as you think.
Capt. Ploomer. Really, Doctor, you Scotchmen have strange notions of comfort,—totally at variance with the esprit de corps which distinguishes the nonpareils. Those boundary countries, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales, may do very well for the infantry and the heavy dragoons, and perhaps as an occasional quarter for the lights; but we, who are the influential portion of the military ton, should never leave England, except, indeed, for such an affair as Waterloo.
Dr. Scott. My conscience! but I think, Captain, such “affairs” as Waterloo are more suitable to the heavy dragoons than to the Hussars: an' I have na doubt but the gallant Marquis o' Anglesea wud tell ye the same thing.
Capt. Ploomer. 'Pon my honour, I don't know; we did very well, too; vastly well—a—but let us confine ourselves to Ireland, Doctor.
Col. Diamond. Yes, Doctor, to Ireland, if you please.
Dr. Scott. Weel, what objection have ye to that quarter?
Capt. Ploomer. Objection! my dear Sir! they shake hands with their friends, and absolutely eat breakfasts.