President. First we’ll take a drap o’ wine, Docthor; ya’r takin’ reed, so there’s the decanter.
Major Oldfield. I really think the plan is good; for this reason:—when men expend a considerable sum on medical education, they look to a return; and the success of private practice is far more tempting than the army-surgeon’s; therefore professional education might be provided for them at a moderate expense, and as a security, they might be bound to remain a certain number of years in the army.
Capt. Beamish. I remember a joke which passed current at the expense of the young surgeons when I was at Lisbon:—a ship was hailed, in passing up the Tagus, to learn what she had on board, and the Master answered “horses and hospital mates, for the use of the army.”
Vice President. Very true: there were many such jokes played off upon them; and this was owing, in a great measure, to the want of such an establishment as this at Chatham. Then, a set of young raw Scotch or Irish pupils would come up to London, pass their examinations, and be ordered forthwith out to Portugal. Unacquainted with military etiquette and the usages of officers, it is not to be wondered that they were in general laughed at. I myself have seen one of the medical juniors—then a dispenser of medicines, but now Apothecary to the Forces—dressed in a brown ill-made surtout coat, blue trowsers ending at the calf of the leg, pepper-and-salt coloured worsted stockings, and shoes; the whole surmounted by a cocked hat, and straight black feather: in one hand he carried his sword, and in the other an umbrella!
[A laugh from all the mess, particularly convulsive in Dr. Adipose.
President. It’s vary deeferent noo; look at us a’ here fra’ top to bottom—there’s nae irreg’larity in oor appearance—nae gaudy gewgaws aboot us, but neat an’ military to a degree: oor uniform is noo blue an’ reed ye see—then it was reed an’ black. Here, when a young man joins us, he learns not only his duty, but the mode o’ appearing like a proper meelitary surgeon, an’ joins a regiment ready made, as it were: it was far deeferent during the peninsular war. I can assure ya gentlemen, the present Airmy Meedical Board deserve the highest praise—an’ something more substantial too, for the establishment o’ this valuable heed-quarters, I may call it, o’ the Meedical Department; an’, wi’ yir leave, I’ll noo drink their health in a bumper; [all rise] I’ll gi’ ya, gentlemen, Sir James M’Grigor, an’ Sir William Franklin, the regenerators o’ the Meedical Department.
[drunk with three times three.
Assist. Staff Surg. Leech. The only thing I see unpleasant in our situation, is that we are not promoted fast enough.
[a laugh.
President. There is something in that: Misther Leech there, has been in the sarvice—hoo long noo, Leech?