Our spick and span new yatches.
MODES OF ADDRESSING PERSONS OF
VARIOUS RANKS.
(By Our Fast Professor.)
A Duke, or other Titled Person. "Now, old Strawberry-Leaves;" or, as the case may be. An Earl carries Five Balls, and a Baronet a Bloody Hand, which naturally points out the mode of addressing the bearers. A Bishop is gratified by being addressed as "Old Shirt-Sleeves." If the ecclesiastic wears spectacles, it is de rigueur to add, facetiously, that you observe his is not a "See Sharp." An Archdeacon you will, of course, call "Archy;" and a Rural Dean you will address as "My Rustic." The Clergy, as a body, you will speak of as the "White Chokers." The Lay Aristocracy are simply styled "The Nobs." Attention to this rule is requested. An irreverent young reporter (from Ireland) having recently incautiously asked an official of the House of Lords "who that Buffer was?" (indicating a nobleman who was speaking,) was solemnly answered: "Sir, we have no Buffers here; they are all Peers of the Realm."
A Police Magistrate. Before you are fined—"My Lord;" "Your Worship;" "Your Reverence;" "Your Excellency;" "Your Majesty;" or whatever title of honour comes readiest to your tongue. After Justice has done her worst, you will merely allude to your enemy as the "Beak."
Your Father. Speaking to him, say, "Guvnor," or "Old Strike-a-Light;" of him, "The Old 'Un."
A Tradesman. Your address in this case will depend upon the state of accounts between yourself and the party spoken to; but an easy familiarity should generally be preserved; and it is a good rule, if you wish to please a tradesman, to call him by a name, or make some allusion, derived from the trickery of his particular trade. A Grocer you will call "Young Chicory;" or, if a female, "Mrs. Beans." A Sausage Vendor's shop you will enter playfully imitating the cry of the itinerant merchant who supplies daily food to the canine and feline menial. And a Woollen Draper you should salute with, "Well, Devil's Dust."
The Waitress at a Restaurateur's, or elsewhere. "Mary, my love, my only angel, come here;" "Sarah, my darling, what's good for my complaint?" "Jane's very sweet upon me, ain't you, Jane?"
A Box-keeper. "Here, Pew-opener."
A Pew-opener. "Here, Box-keeper."
All sorts and conditions of Men. In any manner in which a gentleman would not address them.