The harvest is gathered, and the barns are full. The best month for brewing—domestic storms and natural convulsions brewing as well as porter. Get all you can out of your friends. Make love to pretty women with money. If you go to California take care you don't dig up brass for gold. Take heed, the world will come to an end some day; pay your rent if you are obliged—not otherwise. Avoid breaking your leg in three places, five of your ribs, putting your collar-bone out, and fracturing your skull.
NOVEMBER.
The month for committing suicide; avoid it, however, for yourself. Give your friends presents of rope; if you give them enough, the sage sayeth, they will hang themselves. Fogs are thick; but the wise man sees through them. Roads are muddy; but the rich man rideth in a cab. In this month your hair will grow. Do not be alarmed. Buy the Comic Almanack.
DECEMBER.
Winter commences. Bills come pouring in. Trust yet to the stars. Do the Income Tax—so saith the moral philosopher. All flesh is grass—but beef is not water-cresses. Make moral reflections, and pay no bills. A bad month for paying bills. Give no Christmas dinner; but go to some one's who does. Receive presents of turkeys, geese, pickled salmon, and cod, with oysters for sauce. Look out for Saturn in the ascendant in the house of Mars; and when you see a comet with a green tail, send an express to the astronomer royal, with a lock of your hair.
ECLIPSES IN 1852.
The Sun will be eclipsed the whole year round by the brilliance of the work the reader holds in his hand. Visible to all the inhabitants of Her Majesty's dominions, of the United States of America, and of every other country where English is understood.
The Moon will be eclipsed, during various portions of the seasons, at the Princess's Theatre, by a set of opposition Moons to be got up by Mr. Grieve. Visible to the audiences each night.
Jupiter has been so completely eclipsed by the crack boat of that name belonging to the Gravesend Star Company, that he has drawn in his rays in disgust, declined upon his axis, assumed a mean—in fact, a remarkably mean distance, and generally shut up shop.