Among others, Mr. Archer came up to make her his bow, and told Mrs. Bungay who was on the course. Yonder was the Prime Minister: his lordship had just told him to back Borax for the race; but Archer thought Munmeer the better horse. He pointed out countless dukes and grandees to the delighted Mrs. Bungay. “Look yonder in the Grand Stand,” he said. “There sits the Chinese Ambassador with the Mandarins of his suite, Fou-choo-foo brought me over letters of introduction from the Governor-General of India, my most intimate friend, and I was for some time very kind to him, and he had his chopsticks laid for him at my table whenever he chose to come and dine. But he brought his own cook with him, and—would you believe it, Mrs. Bungay?—one day, when I was out, and the Ambassador was with Mrs. Archer in our garden eating gooseberries, of which the Chinese are passionately fond, the beast of a cook, seeing my wife’s dear little Blenheim spaniel (that we had from the Duke of Marlborough himself, whose ancestor’s life Mrs. Archer’s great-great-grandfather saved at the battle of Malplaquet), seized upon the poor little devil, cut his throat, and skinned him, and served him up stuffed with forced-meat in the second course.”
“Law!” said Mrs. Bungay.
“You may fancy my wife’s agony when she knew what had happened! The cook came screaming upstairs, and told us that she had found poor Fido’s skin in the area, just after we had all of us tasted of the dish! She never would speak to the Ambassador again—never; and, upon my word, he has never been to dine with us since. The Lord Mayor, who did me the honour to dine, liked the dish very much; and, eaten with green peas, it tastes rather like duck.”
“You don’t say so, now!” cried the astonished publisher’s lady.
“Fact, upon my word. Look at that lady in blue, seated by the Ambassador: that is Lady Flamingo, and they say she is going to be married to him, and return to Pekin with his Excellency. She is getting her feet squeezed down on purpose. But she’ll only cripple herself, and will never be able to do it—never. My wife has the smallest foot in England, and wears shoes for a six-years-old child; but what is that to a Chinese lady’s foot, Mrs. Bungay?”
“Who is that carriage as Mr. Pendennis is with, Mr. Archer?” Mrs. Bungay presently asked. “He and Mr. Warrington was here jest now. He’s ’aughty in his manners, that Mr. Pendennis, and well he may be, for I’m told he keeps tip-top company. ’As he ’ad a large fortune left him, Mr. Archer? He’s in black still, I see.”
“Eighteen hundred a year in land, and twenty-two thousand five hundred in the Three-and-a-half per Cents; that’s about it,” said Mr. Archer.
“Law! why, you know everything, Mr. A.!” cried the lady of Paternoster Row.
“I happen to know, because I was called in about poor Mrs. Pendennis’s will,” Mr. Archer replied. “Pendennis’s uncle, the Major, seldom does anything without me; and as he is likely to be extravagant we’ve tied up the property, so that he can’t make ducks and drakes with it.—How do you do, my lord?—Do you know that gentleman, ladies? You have read his speeches in the House; it is Lord Rochester.”
“Lord Fiddlestick,” cried out Finucane, from the box. “Sure it’s Tom Staples, of the Morning Advertiser, Archer.”