King Padella was immensely astonished. The Count Hogginarmo was extremely disgusted. ‘Pooh!’ the Count cried. ‘Gammon!’ exclaimed his Lordship.’ These lions are tame beasts come from Wombwell’s or Astley’s. It is a shame to put people off in this way. I believe they are little boys dressed up in door-mats. They are no lions at all.’
‘Ha!’ said the King, ‘you dare to say “gammon” to your Sovereign, do you? These lions are no lions at all, aren’t they? Ho! my beef-eaters! Ho! my bodyguard! Take this Count Hogginarmo and fling him into the circus! Give him a sword and buckler, let him keep his armour on, and his weather-eye out, and fight these lions.’
The haughty Hogginarmo laid down his opera-glass, and looked scowling round at the King and his attendants. ‘Touch me not, dogs!’ he said, ‘or by St. Nicholas the Elder, I will gore you! Your Majesty thinks Hogginarmo is afraid? No, not of a hundred thousand lions! Follow me down into the circus, King Padella, and match thyself against one of yon brutes. Thou darest not. Let them both come on, then!’ And opening a grating of the box, he jumped lightly down into the circus.
WURRA WURRA WURRA WUR-AW-AW-AW!!!
In about two minutes
The Count Hogginarmo was
GOBBLED UP
by
those lions,
bones, boots, and all,
and
There was an
End of him.
At this, the King said, ‘Serve him right, the rebellious ruffian! And now, as those lions won’t eat that young woman—’
‘Let her off!—let her off!’ cried the crowd.
‘NO!’ roared the King. ‘Let the beef-eaters go down and chop her into small pieces. If the lions defend her, let the archers shoot them to death. That hussy shall die in tortures!’
‘A-a-ah!’ cried the crowd. ‘Shame! shame!’
‘Who dares cry out shame?’ cried the furious potentate (so little can tyrants command their passions). ‘Fling any scoundrel who says a word down among the lions!’
I warrant you there was a dead silence then, which was broken by a Pang arang pang pangkarangpang, and a Knight and a Herald rode in at the further end of the circus: the Knight, in full armour, with his vizor up, and bearing a letter on the point of his lance.