To be blazing away at every one
With a regular double-loaded gun.”
When the defender of a certain extortioner, whom Lutatius Catulus accused, attempted by a sarcasm to disconcert his vehement adversary, saying, “Why do you bark, little dog?” (“Quid latras, Catule?”) “Because I saw a thief,” retorted Catulus. Shakespeare makes Falstaff play upon his swaggering ancient’s name, telling Pistol he will double charge him with sack, or dismissing him with—“No more, Pistol; I would not have you go off here; discharge yourself of our company, Pistol.” When a man named Silver was arraigned before Sir Thomas More, he said: “Silver, you must be tried by fire.” “Yes,” replied the prisoner, “but you know, my lord, that Quick Silver cannot abide the fire.” The man’s wit procured his discharge. An old gentleman by the name of Gould, having married a very young wife, wrote to a friend informing him of his good fortune, concluding with
“So you see, my dear sir, though I’m eighty years old,
A girl of eighteen is in love with old Gould.”
To this his friend replied:
“A girl of eighteen may love, it is true,
But believe me, dear sir, it is Gold without U.”
When a Bishop Goodenough was appointed to his office, a certain dignitary who had hoped, but failed, to get the appointment, was asked the secret of his disappointment, and replied: “Because I was not Goodenough.”
Fuller, in his “Grave Thoughts,” tells an anecdote which shows that where the punning propensity exists, no occasion or subject, however solemn, will prevent it from finding expression: “When worthy Master Hern, famous for his living, preaching, and writing, lay on his deathbed (rich only in goodness and children), his wife made such womanish lamentations, what should become of her little ones? ‘Peace! sweet-heart,’ said he; ‘that God who feedeth the ravens will not starve the herns;’ a speech censured as light by some, observed by others as prophetical; as indeed it came to pass that they were all well disposed of.” It is said that John Huss, when burning at the stake, fixed his eyes steadfastly upon the spectators, and said with much solemnity: “They burn a goose, but in a hundred years a swan will arise out of the ashes;” words which many years afterward were regarded as predicting the great Protestant reformer,—Huss signifying “a goose,” and Luther, “a swan.”