“When, in 1863, Ward conceived the idea of making a lecture tour through California—a great undertaking in those days—he offered me, to accompany him as agent, a salary that would cause the insignificant pay of a Cleveland local to blush with shame. Not knowing that lecturers, and especially humorists, have a way of engaging every man as agent who professes a desire to travel, I made all preparations to go, resigned my situation, and anxiously awaited my summons.
As I waited, various articles were sold to pay expenses. I ate my stove I remember, and I think I drank up my bureau. At length, when nearly everything had gone, I believe that Ward had gone, too, taking another agent. I was naturally incensed, and resolved that there would be a severe settlement when next we met. I rehearsed the anticipated scene frequently, and resolved how I would go to work and annihilate him.
“Our meeting was in New York in July, 1864. I had heard of his return from California, and prepared to empty the vials of wrath upon his head. We accidentally ran against each other on Broadway. My slumbering indignation flamed up at once. I thought of the cooking stove I had devoured, and the various articles of household furniture I drank up, and was about to go for him when Ward suddenly rushed forward, and, grasping me warmly by the hand, exclaimed:
“‘Why, Gris., old boy, how are you? When did you get back from California?’
“As I looked at him, speechless with amazement, he continued: ‘They told me you came home around the “horn,” but I never knew you to go around a horn yet—join me!’
“Now Ward had a very persuasive way of locking his arm in with another’s, and in a momentary fit of weakness, I went along.
“‘Ward!’ said I sternly, ‘I owe you a licking on account of the California agency business, but will put it off until we drink.’
“‘Put it off as long as you want to,’ replied Ward, in a tone of generous accommodation, as though I was speaking about returning him a loan. ‘If you owe me a licking, pay me when you get ready. I am in no hurry. Don’t care if you never pay it.’
“Numerous were the unavailing efforts that I made to bring Ward to a settlement. When I would commence: ‘Now, Artemus, how about that California business?’ he would interrupt—‘Oh, never mind that whipping. No hurry at all. Send it to me through the mail—or telegraph it. Let’s drink.’
“I have got even with Browne, however, in a measure—I have engaged a number of agents myself.”