C. N. Spare me, I entreat you! Don’t let it be known who I am, pray don’t, or I shall certainly be hanged. Don’t hang me; give me hard labour for life, but don’t hang me! Yes, I confess I was Judge Nupkins; but don’t give me up! I’ll be your servant, your slave all my life; only don’t bring me before a magistrate. They are so unfair, and so hard!
W. J. Well, what do you think of a judge, old fellow?
C. N. That’s nearly as bad, but not quite; because sometimes there’s a cantankerous blackguard on the jury who won’t convict, and insists on letting a man off. But, please, pray think better of it, and let it be a private matter, if you must needs punish me. I won’t bring an action against you, whatever you do. Don’t make it a judicial matter! Look here, I’ll sign a bond to be your servant for ever without wages if you will but feed me. I suffer so from not having my meals regularly. If you only knew how bad it is to be hungry and not to be sure of getting a meal.
W. J. Yes, Nupkins; but you see, I do know only too well—but that’s all gone by. Yet, if you had only known that some time ago, or let’s say, guessed at it, it might have been the better for you now.
C. N. ( aside; Oh, how jeering and hard he looks!) Oh, spare me, and don’t send me to the workhouse! You’ve no idea how they bully people there. I didn’t mean to be a bad or hard man; I didn’t indeed.
W. J. Well, I must say if you meant to be anything else, you botched the job! But I suppose, in fact, you didn’t mean anything at all.—So much the worse for you. ( Aside: I must do a little cat and mouse with him).
C. N. Oh, spare me, spare me! I’ll work so hard for you. Keep it dark as to who I am. It will be such an advantage you’re having me all to yourself.
W. J. Would it, indeed? Well, I doubt that.
C. N. Oh, I think so. I really am a good lawyer.
W. J. H’m, that would be rather less useful than a dead jackass—unless one came to the conclusion of making cat’s meat of you.