Adelaide, some how or other too, does not enter into the thing con amore, and is not as much alive as one might expect upon a point of such magnitude, for though we have at present nothing to go upon but Ingot's testimony, and our own surmises, the return of the old lad is a serious sort of concern. If he is in good humour, and neither sick, nor pious, we are Nabobs and Nabobesses at once. C'est tout dit. If, on the other hand, he has got the liver (as the Indians say so vulgarly), or has any crotchet in his head, connected with new-light fantasies, I do assure you that we may have much vexation in prospect; and unless you just put yourself in training, and help me out, I do not promise myself any effective assistance. Our poor mother is, as I said before, in an acid vein, and will require Cheltenham certainly, when we leave town; and as to Adelaide, she has other fish to fry, and till the cookery is performed or the finny race, sent swimming again from the net (vous comprenez); I shall not be able to enlist her in my pantomime. Apropos, Lord George was with us last night, and protests that his mother shall give a masquerade at which he will perform the part of our old Rajah, and I shall rehearse my new character, dressed as a quaker, carrying a basket of tracts on my arm, and, followed by half a dozen of his sister, Lady Somerville's children, who are perfect cherubs, and are to enact my school. You can't fancy any thing more spirituel. It was quite a scene, and we were decidedly the attraction of the evening. I was evidently prima donna, and felt so couleur de rose with every thing, and every body, that, forgetful of a quarrel which I had with Ady. in the morning, I caught Lord Crayton by the arm, and, under pretence of asking his advice how to prepare for uncle's arrival, gave him such a teeth-watering account of the old boy's investments in the 3 per cent. Consols, that milord stuck, for the rest of the evening, like bird-lime to my pensive sister, and almost overturned poor Sir Leonard Twig to beau mamma down stairs; since when, he has never missed a day in visiting, riding with our coterie in the park; and in short I shall not be surprized if, before your return from the land of darkness, you see a paragraph in the Morning Post: but what should bring the Morning Post into the wilderness? I give myself immense credit for remembering ever since I performed the Druidical priestess at Lady Penguin's, and learned my evening's task for the occasion, that Annan is the Druid's name for your island of saints, and that it was held to be the dominions of night. It is so à propos!
Well, but I was talking of Crayton and Adelaide. If indeed a London newspaper should meet your eyes while you are suffering ostracism, (I got such credit for that stroke last night) I verily think it not improbable, that you will stumble ere long, upon, "It is rumoured in the higher circles, that Viscount Crayton is shortly to lead to the Hymeneal altar the lovely Miss A. Howard." What more you may see here-after, I cannot give you a hint of till you come.
Poor Lionel Strangeways bores me to death with his petits soins. Sir Stephen (that odious name always sets me sneezing) haunts Grosvenor-square; and Annesley with whom you used to be so lié, and who, begging your pardon, is neither more nor less than bête, worries me to dance wherever I meet him.
Adelaide, Crayton, Lord George, and I, made a parti quarré, in the park yesterday, when we met him quite en polisson. He had no servant, looked bourgeois; and though I am not ill-natured as you know, I was obliged to sham blindness, and to pass by without even a nod. This may cure him, and release me from a blister. If he were not nephew to the Duke of Elsbury, there would be no bearing him; but every one knows the relationship, and therefore one is safe in acknowledging him, though he is so horribly disagreeable. Directly after I gave him the go by, I recollected that perhaps he had heard from you since your letter to us of the 5th, and I might have asked how your cough is, but I did not think of it in time.
The match between Lady J. Marston and Mr. Harrop, ditto between Miss Percy and Lord Anfield are off, positively off faute d'argent. The old Countess held out for £2,000 a-year settlement, and Harrop was tied up by his former marriage. It is whispered that a Scotch coronet hove in sight just before poor H. got his congé; but I don't pledge myself for the truth of this codicil to the story.—I was interrupted here by Lord George and Mr. Cambray, and have been laughing till I am weary at the best thing in the world. I told you in a former part of this letter, that I was in particularly good spirits last night, and made a sally, in speaking of your banishment. Lord George's "bravissimo" was the signal of applause, but poor Sir Hargrove Miles did not know the meaning of ostracism, and asked some one (I believe young Felton), who, in a funny mood, told him that I was talking of oysters. There was a laugh, and some ridiculous things were said which I did not hear, but Sir Hargrove looked cloudy, and your Marplot friend, Annesley, dreading a meeting in the morning, explained like a goose, and put him into good humour by allowing him to turn the joke against me. Poor Sir H. has accordingly been representing me to-day up and down the whole length of Bond-street as a Blue, and were it not that Lord George is my chevalier, and that nuncle is coming home with a heavy purse, it would not be so pleasant. As things are, I can afford a blue banner, or, as Lord George says, "We may hoist the blue Peter now if we like." He is very witty, and I assure you that our society is considered quite haut ton—quite French.
I did not intend to have written six lines, and you see how I have run on. Do, my dear, return to us as quickly as possible: you ought to be at your post when the old fellow lands on English ground. You will of course be his principal look out, and ought certainly to toad him a little, especially as he will probably be very bilious after the voyage. Mamma thinks it likely that the new light and the bile will be extinguished together, and proposes being ready at an hour's notice to whisk him off to Leamington; but should we find that there is any thing so fixed in his religious derangement as not to give way immediately to the waters, she says that the worst which can happen is our leaving him for a time, and going to the continent. He will probably come home after so long an absence with his heart in his hand, and be as generous as a prince. If so, we shall get plenty of money to take us abroad, and thus fare the better for any little twist that he may have got from received opinions, I do not say from fashionable ways of thinking; for I observe, that East Indians are never people of ton: they are expensive and luxurious, but want the je ne sais quoi, that inexplicable odeur de la bonne société which marks the select few in a London circle.
My uncle, in all likelihood, will purchase a magnificent seat, have a splendid establishment; and as a little time will remove any quaint prejudices which he may have contracted, he may keep a first-rate table, and see the best company if he is properly managed. The great bore will be to watch him so vigilantly as to prevent his marrying. I am sure that I know at least six regular sieges that will be commenced against the citadel of his purse, besides whatever masked batteries may be prepared to take him by surprise. It must be our care to be his videttes, and keep a strict guard upon the motions of the enemy, giving him notice upon every approach of danger.
Well, I must go and dress: I hate the Opera, but we are forced to join a party of Lady Mildmay's, and Lord Clayton will not let us be off. Adio mio Caro. Say something civil to the goodies of the Glen. What sickly stuff is pastoral life! I yawn as I write the word. Heaven defend me from your Arcadias! I absolutely shudder at the notion of a golden age, cool grots, and mountain nymphs. That milk diet, too, is a sleepy, corpulent sort of thing. You will loose your air de noblesse, and we shall have to put you in training, and fine you down like a jockey before you are fit to be seen.
Come quickly. Bon repos. You are retiring to your slumbers, no doubt.
Your mother and Ady said something, I suppose—loves, and so forth, but I'm not sure.